Tag Archives: Texas

Law Enforcement

TEXAS APPROVES NEW DEATH ROW MEAL TO EASE EXECUTIONS

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imageDALLAS, Texas (The Adobo Chronicles) – Texas is among the 32 states that still have the death penalty on their books. The Lone Star State is known for the most number of executions.

In an effort to rid itself of the unsavory reputation as the ‘killer state,’ and to cut down on the state government’s enormous expenditure for its death row inmates waiting for execution, Texas has adopted a new mandatory meal for all inmates on death row.

The meal, concocted by ‘the vulgar chef,’ consists of left over french fries wrapped around a cheeseburger and fried in butter.

The meal guarantees the immediate clogging of death row inmates’ arteries, leading to a heart attack within a few weeks from the start of the meal program.

Republican Texas Governor Greg Abbott told The Adobo Chronicles  that he is very pleased with the new execution protocol because it frees the state as well as the assigned executioners from the guilt  of taking someone’s life. The governor said that it also saves the state millions of dollars otherwise spent in feeding and taking care of death row convicts awaiting their date with death.

Law Enforcement, Local News, Politics

TEXAS GOVERNOR RICK PERRY AGREES TO PLEA BARGAIN ON FELONY CHARGES

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Perry
Perry

Austin, Texas (The Adobo Chronicles) – Texas Governor Rick Perry was indicted by a grand jury for allegedly abusing the powers of his office by threatening to veto funding for state prosecutors investigating public corruption. If found guilty of the two felony charges, Perry will be the first indicted governor of the state of Texas in nearly 100 years.

The two counts – abuse of official authority and coercion of a public servant – carry a combined maximum punishment of 109 years in federal prison.

Perry was expected to make a second run for president in the 2016 U.S. presidential elections.

Realizing that his political career is all but over, Perry, 64, announced that he has agreed to a plea bargain to lessen the potential punishment for the felonies.

An attorney for Perry told The Adobo Chronicles that his client has agreed  to pleading guilty on both counts in exchange for a 50% reduction in jail time — from 109 to 54 1/2 years.

As part of the plea bargain, Perry will ask the court to allow him to be transferred to a high-security retirement home once he reaches the age of 100. As an alternative, Perry proposed that he be incarcerated in the Philippines, a former colony of the U.S., where convicted high government officials like ex-presidents and senators are locked in designer jail cells or placed under hospital arrest.

A federal court is expected to rule on the plea bargain next week.

 

Human Interest, International, Law Enforcement, Military, Politics

TEXAS GOVERNOR RICK PERRY VOLUNTEERS TO PATROL U.S.-MEXICO BORDER

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Perry on his first day as volunteer border patrol officer
Perry on his first day as volunteer border patrol officer

Austin, Texas (The Adobo Chronicles) – Rick Perry is taking a leave of absence as governor of Texas to volunteer as a patrol officer along the U.S.- Mexico border.

In a press statement issued shortly before leaving his office to assume his volunteer duties, Perry said that he is sick and tired of waiting for the federal government to send more troops to stop the increased border crossings of undocumented immigrants from South and Central America, including hundreds of unaccompanied children.

In a brilliant move that could earn him the Republican nomination for president in 2016, Perry’s last act before his leave of absence was to send 1,000 Texas national guard troops not only to patrol the border, but to protect him as he performs his volunteer work.

During Perry’s leave of absence, the lieutenant governor will assume the role of Texas governor. Staff of the governor’s office, however, couldn’t exactly remember who the current Lt. Governor is, but at least they know his first name is David.