Manila, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – Forget Sony Pictures’ The Interview. There is a more talked-about interview in all of Asia, and the world.

Everybody knows that it takes more than an arm and a leg to score an exclusive, sit-down interview with Philippine President NoyNoy Aquino. But somebody did just that: Vice Ganda (Jose Marie Borja Viceral in real life).

Vice Ganda is a Filipino television host and actor best known for his stand-up routines, in which he uses observational comedy, situational irony and sarcasm in pertaining to Filipino culture and human sexuality. Many are wondering why Aquino agreed to be interviewed by a showbiz personality instead of any of the respected journalists and television anchors who have been trying so hard to interview the president.

The openly-gay Vice Ganda, who is a friend of the president’s sister Kris Aquino, sat down with the older Aquino in Malacanang Palace, the Philippine equivalent of the White House.

The Adobo Chronicles learned from very reliable sources that Vice Ganda scored the interview by agreeing to certain rules dictated by the president and Kris Aquino:

• The interview will be conducted only in Tagalog, which is the President’s language choice when making speeches
• There will be no questions about the pork barrel scam
• There will be no questions about Aquino’s snub of actress Nora Aunor for National Artist
• There will be no questions about the president’s political nemesis, former President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo who remains in hospital arrest
• There will be no questions about Manila’s MRT (light railway) or traffic problems
• There will be no questions about the recently-discovered luxury jail cells of drug lords at the New Bilibid Prison (National Penitentiary)
• There will be no questions about where all the donated money for last year’s typhoon Yolanda relief went
• Aquino will not be asked who he will be endorsing in the 2016 Philippine presidential elections
• The president will not be asked about his love life (Aquino is a bachelor)
• The president will need to take a break from the interview every 10 minutes so he can light up a cigarette.

All other questions are okay, but a list must be provided to the president 48 hours in advance. The taped interview will air on Vice Ganda’s regular TV show, with schedule to be announced.