Philippines: Like Fireworks, Like Corruption

What do New Year’s Day fireworks in the Philippines and corruption in government have in common? Both are loud, flashy, and impossible to stop, despite all the laws saying, “Huwag!” 

Every December, the government parades their annual “fireworks ban,” and every January 1, the sky lights up in rebellion. It’s as if Pinoys see “bawal” as a suggestion, not a rule. Likewise, anti-corruption drives come with fanfare and bold promises, but like the “last” whistle bomb of the night, there’s always one more lurking.

The parallels are uncanny: both involve impressive displays, whether it’s a fireworks finale or an official cutting a ribbon for a dubious project. And just like how barangay tanods bravely seize the plapla while ignoring the boga, watchdogs catch small-time crooks but let the big fish sashay away.

In the end, both are resilient traditions: noisy, enduring, and, let’s face it, uniquely Pinoy.

Fact-Checking “Investigative Writer” Raissa Robles

Raissa Robles, self-proclaimed investigative writer and proud author of one book, recently donned her internet sleuth hat to criticize the girl group Phantom Siita, claiming they were “Filipinos trying to look like Koreans.” The irony? Phantom Siita isn’t Filipino or Korean—the group is Japanese! Yes, Japanese, as in sushi, not kimchi or adobo.

One can only wonder if Robles’ investigative skills stopped short of typing “Phantom Siita nationality” into Google. Or perhaps she was too busy plotting her next groundbreaking exposé: “Filipinos Trying to Be Swiss While Eating Toblerone.”

This mishap is a gentle reminder that a writer’s most powerful tool is research—preferably done before hitting “post.” If Robles wants to critique cultural appropriation, she might first need a crash course in geography and modern pop culture. Phantom Siita, meanwhile, continues to slay stages, blissfully unbothered.

Comelec Should Have Been Given A Hefty Budget!

Ah, the Philippine national budget—a masterpiece of priorities!

Once again, we’re treated to the spectacle of zero subsidy for PhilHealth (because who needs healthcare when we have resilience, right?) and yet another generous helping of pork barrel funds for our legislators (they do love their pork extra fatty).

Meanwhile, the Commission on Elections (Comelec) remains as efficient as a carabao in quicksand. No budget boost to enforce campaign laws? Perfect! Why ruin the tradition of billboards sprouting like mushrooms even before the official campaign period begins?

Imagine if Comelec had funds to hire investigators for vote-buying cases or workers to remove illegal posters. Not only would democracy be served, but unemployment would plummet too! Revolutionary!

But why stop there? Maybe next year’s budget can include a line item for a Department of Irony—because, clearly, satire has become policy. Here’s to another year of misplaced priorities!

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