DepEd Secretary Sara Duterte On The Way Out Of The Cabinet?

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In the recent survey on President Bongbong Marcos’ Cabinet performance, the absence of Vice President and Education Secretary Sara Duterte raises eyebrows faster than a politician promises change.

One might wonder if this was an accidental omission or a calculated snub, akin to forgetting the most vital ingredient in a recipe. Could it signal Duterte’s impending resignation, prompting her to jump ship before it sinks, or perhaps a behind-the-scenes drama that even soap operas would find too far-fetched?

Alternatively, maybe the pollsters simply couldn’t find enough data to gauge her performance, leaving them scratching their heads like a math student faced with a calculus problem from another dimension.

Whatever the reason, it’s a curious omission that adds yet another layer of intrigue to the already captivating political circus. Welcome to the theater of the absurd, where even the surveys have plot twists.

New Line Of Paper Hole Punchers Soon To Hit Philippine Market

by Melchor Vergara

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In a stroke of marketing genius inspired by Senator Bato de la Rosa’s recent fixation on punch holes, a new line of paper hole punchers is set to storm the Philippine market. 

Promising to revolutionize document verification, these punchers boast the ability to leave behind a distinctive mark of authenticity—a trail of perfectly aligned punctures.

Dubbed the “Authentipunchers,” these innovative tools aim to put an end to forgery and deceit by ensuring that every important document comes with its own unmistakable pattern of punch holes. From contracts to certificates, nothing will escape the scrutiny of the Authentipunchers.

Manufacturers are already hailing this invention as the ultimate solution to prevent any future controversies over document authenticity.

With Senator de la Rosa’s endorsement ringing in their ears, they’re confident that every Filipino office will soon be equipped with these indispensable tools of verification. After all, in a world where punch holes reign supreme, authenticity is just a puncture away.

BSP Issues New Rules On P1,000-Bill Authentication

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – Thanks to the investigative prowess of Senator Bato de la Rosa, the Bangko Sentral Ng Pilipinas (Central Bank of the Philippines) has issued new rules on the authentication of the P1,000-peso polymer bills.

In the recent Senate hearing on the alleged PDEA leaked documents implicating President Bongbong Marcos in alleged illegal drug use, the former Philippine National Police chief used the hole punch test in certifying to the authenticity of said documents.

In a new memorandum circular, BSP now requires all banks, government offices and merchants to stock up on paper hole punchers to be used in the new authentication process.

Under the rules which will go into effect on May 15, 2024, all those accepting the crisp bank notes are required to punch a hole on them. “If the hole punch goes through, then the bill is authentic,” BSP said. It added that a maximum of 10 punch holes is allowed on each bill, after which, the bank note must be exchanged for a new ne at any bank or financial institution.

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