A Coding System For Shopping Malls?

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The Metro Manila Council’s brainstorming session on solving traffic congestion has yielded an ingenious proposal: tinkering with shopping mall hours. Because obviously, nothing spells relief for gridlock like a spontaneous shopping spree at 3 a.m., right? But why stop there? Let’s slap some bandaids on this hemorrhaging problem! 

Designating malls for exclusive night shifts is the perfect distraction from addressing the real issues. How about we take inspiration from vehicle coding and introduce mall coding? SM Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, Ayala on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, and a free-for-all on Sundays, because even urban planners need a day off, right? Because what Manila truly needs is not a comprehensive, well-thought-out solution, but a carousel of half-baked ideas that conveniently sidestep the actual problem. After all, who needs logical, sustainable solutions when you can just shop ’til you drop, even if it’s at 4 a.m.?

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Today’s Editorial: A Gentleman’s Agreement

In the grand theater of international diplomacy, we find ourselves witnessing a drama of verbal acrobatics and political juggling that would make even the most seasoned circus performer blush. 

The saga begins with whispers of a “gentlemen’s agreement” between Duterte and China, a pact supposedly sealed with nothing more than saliva back in 2016. 

Since then, we’ve been treated to a spectacle of denials, confirmations, and reinterpretations, with Duterte and his merry band of spokespersons tap-dancing around the issue like it’s a game of political Twister. Even China, in a plot twist worthy of a telenovela, has joined the fray, accusing the Philippines of backpedaling on promises made regarding disputed territories.

But now, enter President Bongbong Marcos, stage left, proclaiming ignorance of any such agreement and swiftly tossing it into the dumpster of history. Suddenly, the Chinese Embassy emerges from the shadows, pointing fingers at Marcos and his administration, conveniently sidestepping their erstwhile ally Duterte.

Is China playing a game of political hot potato, trying to shift blame onto a new administration while sparing their old friend Duterte? And what of the whispers about VP Sara Duterte and her conspicuously absent invitation to join the defense ranks? Is there a “gentlewomen’s agreement” in the works, with Sara and Senate Foreign Relations Committee Chair Imee Marcos cozying up to protect the interests of their beloved China?

As the plot thickens, one thing remains clear: amidst the smoke and mirrors of diplomatic doublespeak, it’s the Filipino people who are left holding the bag. So, let’s grab some popcorn, sit back, and watch as the saga unfolds, because in this theater of the absurd, truth is often stranger than fiction.

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