FACEBOOK, GOOGLE, TWITTER THREATEN TO SHUT DOWN

imageSilicon Valley, California – As the government shutdown enters its second day — thanks to the stubborn Republicans and Tea Partiers in the U.S. Congress — three of the country’s social media giants threatened to go into their own shutdown unless the Legislature gets its act together soon.

Facebook, Google and Twitter issued a joint statement today saying that unless Congress passes a bill to reverse the government shutdown that went into effect yesterday, the social networking sites will also shut down their operations, essentially creating a total black screen on smart phones, tablets and computers.

Washington politicians know that  the shutting down of Facebook, Google and Twitter will  enrage millions of Americans who are already addicted to the social networks, and would, in effect, derail their chances of winning in next year’s midterm elections.

Facebook , Google and Twitter have given Congess until midnight tomorrow night to put up  or shut up. The companies are urging their customers to inundate the phones, Facebook  and Twitter pages, and web sites of their legislators  with text messages and posts to pressure them to pass legislation that would put the government back in operation.

None of the Relublican leaders could be reached for comment because they all had left the  Capitol early for happy hour in Washington, D.C. bars which were uncharacteristically empty tonight.

APPLE TO DUMP “AUTOCORRECT”

imageCupertino, California – Facing mounting criticism for the autocorrect feature of its smart phones and tablets, Apple today announced that it will be issuing an update to its iOS 7 that will virtually eliminate the much ridiculed feature which has embarassed a lot of people and cost them their personal relationships.

In place of autocorrect, iOS 7-C  will feature an automatic copy editor that will correct spelling and grammatical errors on social media.

Netizens have long been annoyed by grammatical errors on posts, texts and other Internet messages, so this iOS update is definitely a welcome relief.

Apple will employ copyeditors at its Cupertino headquarters to secretly monitor all posts and messages from its customers. These “live” persons will flag any grammatical errors and correct them in real time.  Apple has reportedly hired hundreds of copy editors who were fired or laid off from newspapers and other media outlets  as a result of downsizing, mergers and bankruptcies.

Examples of grammatical errors that will disappear from social media are the misuse of words like “It’s and Its,” “There, They’re and Their,” “Affect and Effect,” “Lie and Lay.”

“Social media will also see a vast improvement in the use of commas, apostrophes, quotation marks, among others,” Apple said.

U.S. PROTESTS MISS WORLD RESULTS

Miss World, the Philippines' Megan Young
Miss World, the Philippines’ Megan Young

Bali, Indonesia – The United States was aiming for the “grand slam” at this year’s Miss World beauty pageant, focused on winning the crown to add to the Miss Universe title won earlier this year by Miss U.S.A. Olivia Culpo.

Olivia Jordan (yes, another Olivia), U.S.A.’s entry to this pretigious pageant held over the weekend in the Indonesian resort of Bali, made it to the top 10 contestants during Saturday’s finals, but not to the top 5.

Miss Philippines, Megan Young, an early favorite in the competition, went on to win the title, the first ever by a Filipina in Miss World’s 62-year history.  Miss France was first runner-up and Miss Ghana came in third.

Less than 24 hours after the pageant finals, the U.S. filed a formal protest with the Miss World pageant organizers, saying that Young should be credited as a U.S. entry as well.  Young was born in the United States to an American father and Filipina mother, but moved at age 10 to the Philippines where she is currentlly a model, actress and television host.  “Technically, she is also Miss U.S.A,” the protest document indicated. “Even her surname is very American. Can’t she be at least declared as a ‘dual contestant’ by virtue of her dual citizenship?” it added.

Miss World owner Julia Morley has not returned calls from The Adobo Chronicles seeking comment on the U.S. protest.

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