PHILIPPINES’ UNHOLY ALLIANCE: AQUINO AND MARCOS

Imelda Marcos and NoyNoy Aquino
Imelda Marcos and NoyNoy Aquino

Manila, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – It is now an open book. The feuding Marcos and Aquino families have kissed and made up, and they have a secret plan to maintain their respective political dynasties in the Philippines.

Imelda Marcos’ late husband President Ferdinand E. Marcos is believed to be responsible for the assassination of President NoyNoy Aquino’s father, Ninoy. NoyNoy’s mother, President Cory Aquino was largely responsible for the ouster and exile of the Marcoses in the late 1980’s.  Imelda’s son, Bongbong is now a senator while daughter Imee is now a governor (Imelda herself is a member of the House of Representatives).  NoyNoy’s sister, TV host and actress Kris Aquino is … well, we digress.

Imelda and NoyNoy could no longer hide their unholy alliance and were seen for the first time in public being intimate at the wake of Elaine Cuneta, mother of singer-actress Sharon Cuneta. Sharon’s father, the late Pablo Cuneta, was a mayor of Pasay City in Metropolitan Manila  and served in elective office for a record 50 years.

Informed sources told The Adobo Chronicles that Imelda and Noynoy have been meeting secretly over the last two years. Aquino has been seeking the wise counsel of Imelda who is credited to be the driving force and inspiration behind Ferdinand E. Marcos’ 21-year rule as Philippine President.

NoyNoy’s 6-year term as president ends in 2016 and many suspect that he wants to continue being president beyond 2016, which the Philippine Constitution does not allow.  So he is exploring alternative ways to accomplish his goal – either through a constitutional amendment or through the unspoken words, “Martial Law.”

And who else other than Imelda can be a better adviser to Noynoy on either alternative? Experience is key.

And so, the political dynasties live on …

PHILIPPINE SENATOR TAKES CUE FROM MILEY CYRUS: PEDICURES FOR PORK BARREL SCAMMERS

Santiago, left, and Cyrus with Bubba Sue
Santiago, left, and Cyrus with Bubba Sue

Manila, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – Feisty Philippine Senator Miriam Santiago is proposing an additional penalty for politicians found guilty in the pork barrel scam that has cost the country some Ten Billion Pesos in taxpayer money, and she is taking a cue from American singer Miley Cyrus.

Cyrus recently enraged netizens after she posted Instagram photos of her pet pig Bubba Sue getting a royal treatment — a pedicure.  The photos showed Cyrus holding Bubba Sue while another person was painting the pig’s hooves with engine-red nail polish. Many commented that this constituted animal abuse.image

Today, Senator Santiago proposed that every male politician convicted in the pork barrel scam be given not just a pedicure but also a manicure in pig pink nail polish — and not just ordinary nail polish, but permanent, indelible paint.

Santiago said this penalty will be a life-time reminder for the  pork barrel scammers of their horrible crime, while giving the scammed taxpayers a way to easily identify those who pocketed their money.

“These politicians are pigs,” Santiago told reporters, “and they should be treated as such.”

The senator however emphasized that her proposal is in no way an endorsement of what Cyrus did to poor Bubba Sue.

MAN SUES WIFE FOR DIVORCE, SAYS SHE HAS CHRONIC SELFITIS

CaptureLos Angeles, California (The Adobo Chronicles) – A Latino man is suing his wife of one year for divorce because he says she is suffering from selfitis.

In March of this year, The Adobo Chronicles broke the story about the American Psychiatric Association officially classifying the taking of selfies as a mental disorder.  The disorder, called selfitis (inflammation of the ego), comes in three stages: borderline, acute and chronic.

In arguing his case before a lady judge, Richard R. says his wife  Mariana has chronic selfitis and is petitioning the court to force the wife to submit to a psychiatric examination and undergo sexual therapy. “Her condition has severely affected our relationship.  The moment she opens her eyes in the morning and wherever she goes or whatever she’s doing, she’s always taking self photographs. We don’t even have time to have a nice romantic dinner and sex between us is down to just three days a week, all because she is pre-occupied with taking selfies,” the man said.

Mariana says there is nothing wrong with taking selfies. “Everybody is doing it.”

Richard asked the judge that if his wife does not agree to see a psychiatrist and sexual therapist, he would like a divorce and a reimbursement for $8,000 which he spent to bring his wife from Argentina. The case is now in the hands of the jury.

VIDEO: Watch the oral arguments.

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