FDA BANS WINE, RICE AND MAC N CHEESE FROM U.S. SUPERMARKETS

imageWASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) – Supermarket shoppers won’t see three popular items on the shelves the next time they go grocery shopping.

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has totally banned the sale of wine, rice and Mac n Cheese following reports that these have been tainted with health hazards.

Both wine and rice have been reported to contain dangerous levels or arsenic, the chemical that is present in poison. Mac n Cheese, on the other hand, has been found to contain metal scraps and had to be recalled by its manufacturer.

“We know this would be upsetting to many American consumers because of the enormous popularity of these items,” an FDA spokesman said.

“However, there are many alternatives that are available to consumers,” the spokesman added.  “These include quinoa as substitute for rice, beer as substitute for wine, and Chinese noodles (chow mein) as substitute for Mac n Cheese.”

The FDA asked consumers to be patient as it conducts a thorough investigation of the tainted items.

 

 

 

 

‘DOWNTON ABBEY’ IS COMING TO AN END; HUNDREDS OF SAN FRANCISCANS END UP IN HOSPITALS

imageSAN FRANCISCO, California (The Adobo Chronicles) – For thousands of gay men in San Francisco, it is the news that they’ve always dreaded to hear: the hit television series ‘Downton Abbey’ is now filming its sixth, albeit last season. Soon it will be off the air.

Several weeks after the show’s Maggie Smith declared that the sixth season of the beloved period drama will be her last, news now comes that the forthcoming season will be everyone’s last.

TVLine broke the sad news Friday afternoon, reporting that multiple sources have confirmed that the Julian Fellowes-created series will shutter after its upcoming sixth season.

The sad news sent hundreds of San Franciscans, mostly gay men, to emergency rooms late Friday. The Adobo Chronicles has confirmed that the E.R. at San Francisco General Hospital, UCSF Medical Center, Kaiser Permanente and Chinese General Hospital were all in triage mode after being deluged with patients suffering from depression, nervous breakdown, hypertension and panic attack, among other serious symptoms.

Nine out of ten patients admitted were gay men who all indicated that they started feeling ill right after hearing the news about Downton Abbey. Majority of the patients were very hysterical and had to be given valium or medical marijuana to calm their nerves.

Meanwhile, the San Francisco District Attorney’s Office is considering filing charges against the producers of the show for causing widespread mental, emotional and physical disturbance never before seen in San Francisco’s gay community since the AIDS epidemic.

TOP TEN REASONS WHY PRESIDENT AQUINO WILL NOT RESIGN

Photo: Inquirer.net
Photo: Inquirer.net

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – Amid charges of violating the constitution, nepotism, ineptitude and dodging responsibility in the massacre of 44 police officers in the Mamasapano misencounter with rebel forces in Mindanao, Philippines President NoyNoy Aquino continues to stand firm and oblivious to his growing unpopularity and calls for his resignation. Here are the top 10 reasons Aquino will not step down:

  1. He is rumored to be dating newly-crowned Miss Philippines Universe Pia Wurtzbach. Without his title of president, he has no other qualification as far Wurtzbach’s long list of what she is looking for in a future husband is concerned.
  2. If he steps down, his sister Kris will lose the only qualification she has as a TV host – being a presidential sister.
  3. Aquino knows he will lose immunity from criminal and other charges once he steps down, so he is desperately clinging to his remaining 14 months of being convict-free.
  4. If and when he leaves the presidential palace (Malacañang), he will be an ordinary resident of Quezon City. He doesn’t want to be under the jurisdiction of Mayor Herbert Bautista, who is romantically linked to his sister Kris.
  5. Vice President Jejomar Binay
  6. Makati Mayor Junjun Binay
  7. Senator Nancy Binay
  8. Congresswoman Abigail Binay
  9. If he gets charged and convicted, he does not want to be rooming with incarcerated Senators Bong Revilla, Jr. and Jinggoy Estrada.
  10. If he gets charged, convicted and becomes ill, he does not want to share a hospital room with former President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, who remains in hospital arrest.

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