MERYL STREEP TO PLAY LEILA DE LIMA IN NEW HOLLYWOOD FILM, ‘THE DE LIMA LIST’

imageHollywood, California (The Adobo Chronicles) – Hollywood Productions announced today that it has begun filming its latest blockbuster movie, ‘The De Lima List,’ based on the true story of Philippine Secretary of Justice Leila de Lima, considered the country’s ‘Iron Lady.’

De Lima is known to be holding a signed affidavit from suspected pork barrel scandal mastermind Janet Lim-Napoles, containing a list of Philippine senators and other high-ranking politicians who have participated in the ten billion-peso scheme to divert taxpayer money to ghost projects and unsuspecting nongovernmental organizations (NGOs). Allegedly, the funds eventually went into the pockets of the politicians.  To this day, de Lima has refused to make the list public and many suspect that more than half of the sitting senators are on that list.

The Hollywood film is directed by Steven Spielberg, the same Academy Award winning director responsible for the 1993 film ‘The Schindler’s List.’ Multi Oscar Award winner Meryl Streep, best known for her role as Margaret Thatcher in ‘Iron Lady,’ will play de Lima.

Streep, Spielberg and the production crew arrived in Manila Sunday.

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APPLE NIXES iPHONE 6, WILL UNVEIL iPHONE 7

imageCupertino, California  (The Adobo Chronicles) – The rumor mill is overflowing with lots of speculation that Apple will unveil its next series of its popular iPhone this August, a month earlier than its usual schedule in announcing its new products.

After speaking with very reliable sources inside Apple’s Cupertino headquarters, The Adobo Chronicles can now confirm that the Silicon Valley tech giant will indeed unveil the next generation iPhone on August 1, but it will not be an iPhone 6.

Sources said that Apple is skipping the iPhone 6 and will instead come out with the iPhone 7. The reason? Apple executives realize that the number ‘6’ is bad for business and that the company wants to be politically correct and sensitive to the religious and superstitious beliefs of its loyal customer base.

To add the number 6 to its smartphone, given that the current operating system (iOS) is version 10.66, Apple fears that it may be accused of promoting the Anti-Christ or the devil. In the bible and other literature,  the Anti-Christ and devil are represented by the numbers 666.

The good news for iPhone fans is that the new version of the smartphone is thinner, bigger, faster and transparent ( see photo).

In less than 24 hours since announcing the new iPhone 7, Apple said that the backorder and waiting time for the iPhone 7 is now estimated to be 666 days.

CNN IS BIGGEST WINNER IN NFL DRAFT OF FIRST OPENLY GAY PLAYER

Michael Sam
Michael Sam

Atlanta, Georgia (The Adobo Chronicles) – History was made today when the St. Louis Rams picked the first openly gay player ever to be drafted in the NFL. Michael Sam will join the Rams in the next NFL season.

It was a big win for Sam and the lgbt community but the biggest winner was CNN.

As soon as NFL vice president of game operations Mike Kensil walked to the podium at Radio City Music Hall in New York and announced the selection of Sam, pandemonium filled the newsroom at CNN’s Atlanta headquarters. Producers, news directors and anchors were high-fiving each other and popping bottles of champagne.

For several weeks now, CNN was getting very nervous because it was running out of news material for its 24-hour cable broadcast.  It has spent several months covering and discussing the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines  Flight 370. To this day, CNN could only report that the search operations for the doomed plane or debris have turned up nothing – zero, nada, zilch. CNN anchors, pundits and self-proclaimed expert analysts have run out of theories, speculation and wishful thoughts on what happened to the Boeing 777 jetliner. They’ve also run out of props (toy planes, etc).

The NFL draft announcement would  give CNN a good 90 days of continuous coverage and it has lined up guests and experts who will discuss, analyze, and speculate on the aftermath of Sam’s unprecedented draft.

CNN Newsroom has already scheduled segment topics such as ‘The Future of NFL,’ ‘Locker Room Politics’ and ‘Heterosexuality, Homesexuality and the new NFL.’

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