IMPOSTER FOSTER FARMS CHICKEN SICKENED BY SALMONELLA

image Atlanta, Georgia – For the second time this year, federal officials have warned the public about Salmonella infections associated with Foster Farms chicken. In the latest outbreak, officials have confirmed nearly 280 cases, according to a public health alert issued Monday by the U.S. Department of Agriculture. In July, the Centers for Disease Control noted that nearly 135 illnesses were reported in a separate outbreak that started last year.

To add insult to injury, Foster Farms has acknowledged that the two Foster Farms imposter chicken used by the company in its popular series of TV commercials, have also been sickened by salmonella.  The chicken, portrayed in the commercials as claiming to be corn-fed and always fresh, were photographed in a doctor’s office in Portland, Oregon, waiting to be examined and evaluated for salmonella poisoning.

The popular imposters have gotten into and out of some crazy scrapes: stopped by cops, choked in a tattoo parlor, driven in a beaten sedan filled with ice, attempted alleyway liposuction, marinated in a kiddie pool, wrapped in plastic, basted into a washing machine, crashed a Yoga session, busted in a motel room, binged on junk food, and much more.

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REASON FOR JONAS BROTHERS’ CANCELLED TOUR REVEALED

imageHollywood, California – The Jonas Brothers are canceling their tour – two days before it was set to begin, it was reported today. “There is a deep rift within the band,” their spokesman, Jesse Derris, said. “There was a big a disagreement over their music direction.”

Over the weekend, an argument among the trio – Nick, 21, Joe, 24, and Kevin, 25 – regarding the direction of the band and its music led to the decision to cancel their 19-date tour, which was to kick off Friday.
Over the last few years, the brothers have each pursued other projects. Nick and Joe released solo albums and pursued acting careers while Kevin and his wife Danielle have starred in their own reality series, E!’s Married to Jonas.
However, The Adobo Chronicles, in an exclusive interview with one of the brothers, learned about the real reason behind the disagreement.  This brother agreed to the interview on the condition that he not be identified .
The three brothers all sport mustaches and beards and they all felt that only one of them should do so during the entire concert tour.  “None of us was willing to shave,” said this Jonas brother, “so we ended up deciding to cancel our tour.”

BORDER PATROL, CUSTOMS AGENTS SENT TO ARIZONA-MEXICO BORDER

imageNogales City, Arizona – The Department of Homeland Security and Bureau of Customs sent their enforcement agents to Nogales, Arizona, near the U.S.-Mexico border, to closely monitor recent increased activity which authorities suspect might be a violation of U.S. immigration and customs laws.

The agents were dispatched to a mile-long stretch of the border fence in response to an urgent request from Arizona Governor Janice Brewer. Brewer’s office had received complaints from Nogales residents that illegal activity is happening everyday at the border in plain view of both Americans and Mexicans.

Initial investigation by the agents confirmed that Americans and Mexicans on either side of the border have been playing volleball using the fence as their net. The activity has gained popularity in recent weeks and agents fear that it might spread to the rest of the entire Arizona–Mexico border.

Agents dispatched to the scene are now on a 24-hour watch over the border to ensure that at the end of each game, the Mexican ball does not end up on U.S. soil, which would violate customs regulations. On the other hand, immigration agents want to make sure that only balls –not humans — are being tossed back and forth over the border “net.”

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