Honolulu, Hawaii – A visit to Hawaii is never complete without having a snack or meal of spam sushi. This Japanese cuisine-inspired delicacy is a mainstay in local restaurant menus as well as in the refrigerated sections of every ABC Store.
In the last week, however, spam sushi has all but disappeared in Waikiki and elsewhere in the Hawaiian islands. Even McDonald’s has run out of its spam inventory and scrapped the island breakfast combo of eggs, spam and rice from its menu board.
Investigation conducted by local authorities revealed that there has been some hoarding going on, instigated by a particular group of Hawaii visitors. Pressed by The Adobo Chronicles to identify the “hoarders,” one local official – on condition of anonymity – said: “secret service agents and journalists” accompaning President Barack Obama who is currently vacationing in Hawaii with the first family and first dog, Bo.
Officials are also investigating reports that the shortage is further aggravated by Filipinos going home for the holidays with balikbayan boxes loaded with cans of spam purchased from Costco and other warehouse stores in the islands.
Local merchants have sent urgent messages to Hormel Foods, makers of spam, to airlift several thousand cases of canned spam from its Minnesota headquarters to Hawaii.
Honolulu, Hawaii (Exclusive to The Adobo Chronicles) -Hawaii seems to be the favorite go-to place for celebrities and politicians, especially during the winter. Even former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin wanted to escape the freezing temperatures of her native Alaska and is spending the next couple weeks in the sunny, white sandy beaches of Waikiki. Her visit is purely a personal vacation, and she has refused to grant interviews with the local media.
However, one of the reporters of The Adobo Chronicles caught up with the ex-governor at Queen’s Surf Beach while she was laying on a straw mat she bought from a nearby ABC Store. Our reporter asked Ms. Palin if there was any truth to the rumor that she flew to and landed in South Korea last week thinking that she was going to attend the Nelson Mandela memorial in Johannesburg, South Africa.
“That’s a lot of MAHALO,” she exclaimed, to the puzzlement of our reporter.
It turned out that Palin went into a McDonald’s restaurant on Kalakaua Avenue just before she went to the beach. She ordered a cheeseburger, ate it inside the restaurant and deposited the wrapper and some leftover into the trash bin marked “Mahalo” (see photo). She assumed that “mahalo” was Hawaiian for trash. So what she actually wanted to say to our reporter was that the rumor about her landing in South Korea was nothing but “trash.”
To Palin’s credit, she actually knows the meaning of “Aloha” and can pronounce “Waikiki” without any problems. Someone just needs to let her know that “mahalo” means “thank you.”
Honolulu, Hawaii – The islands of Hawaii are a convenient and strategic place for deposed, disgraced and criminally-charged Philippine politicians when fleeing, or trying to flee, their country. Honolulu became the temporary home of the late Ferdinand Marcos, his wife Imelda and their children when the dictator was forced to leave the Philippines following the historic People’s Power Revolution.
Another former president, Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, more popularly referred to as ‘GMA,’ is rumored to be planning an escape to Hawaii’s Big Island. GMA is currently under hospital arrest for criminal charges of plunder and electoral fraud committed while she was president.
GMA’s plan just went poooof!
Hawaii’s mayor Billy Kenoi has signed a bill that bans genetically-engineered crops and plants, better known as GMO. Bill 113 was passed by the Hawaii County Council last November.
Arroyo’s chief of staff delivered the bad news to her at her hospital bed at a government hospital in Manila. The chief of staff did not realize that he had misread the news from Hawaii, thinking that the Big Island had just banned his boss, GMA, from coming to the islands.
Now, the Hawaii County Council picked up the idea. It is now considering a bill to ban GMA, in addition to the already banned GMO.