MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – Rappler’s website has a compilation of its own stories about Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte’s health. A photo that has been circulating on social media shows Duterte supposedly wearing a colostomy bag. His Hong Kong trips with his family were said to be appointments with doctors. The news media have been fascinated at his darkening skin color. Many wondered why he napped through the distribution of diplomas at last week’s graduation ceremonies at the Philippine Military Academy.
Today — once and for all — Malacañang Palace finally admitted that the President is sick. Very sick.
”He’s sick and tired of all the rumors and speculations about his health, Presidential Spokesperson Salvador Panelo told members of the Malacañang Press Corpse (not a typo).
To end it all, Panelo said: “I have news for you. Si Duterte ay isang masamang damo na matagal mamatay (Duterte is bad grass that won’t die for a long time). So, you scheming yellow politicians and destabilizers, foreign-funded news media and netizen trolls — you can all eat your heart out. Duterte is not going anywhere, and you can kill your hallucinations about Leni Robredo becoming President any time soon, or ever.”
MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – Media reports show that the Philippines’ inflation rate may have decreased to below 3% in May, marking its lowest since September, 2017.
Reacting to the news, Vice President Leni Robredo said the government must explain this unusual phenomenon to the Filipino people.
”Nakakabahala,” (it’s concerning), she said, adding: “Progress should always go upward, not downward. I am very concerned that our inflation rate is going down. Anything that goes down is bad for the economy, bad for the country, bad for our people.”
Expect the London School of Economics to invite her again soon to speak to its students.
NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles, New York Bureau) – It was a big misunderstanding. Rappler CEO Maria Ressa arrived at Columbia University in New York City to receive yet another award for her supposed journalistic skills and advocacy, particularly for standing up to what she is calling a “dictator” in Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte.
But alas, Ressa misread the award letter. It was from the Universidad Nacional de Colombia (National University of Colombia) in Bogota. The South American school awarded Ressa a Courage Award for her and her online outfit’s coverage of Duterte’s war on drugs.
Luckily for Ressa, the Dean of the Journalism School at Columbia — fellow anti-Dutertard Sheila Coronel — is a very good friend. So Coronel let Ressa address the 2019 graduates of the school. Just to save face.
Meanwhile, in Bogota, the Colombia University gave Ressa the award in absencia.
MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – Rappler’s website has a compilation of its own stories about Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte’s health. A photo that has been circulating on social media shows Duterte supposedly wearing a colostomy bag. His Hong Kong trips with his family were said to be appointments with doctors. The news media have been fascinated at his darkening skin color. Many wondered why he napped through the distribution of diplomas at last week’s graduation ceremonies at the Philippine Military Academy. 
To end it all, Panelo said: “I have news for you. Si Duterte ay isang masamang damo na matagal mamatay (Duterte is bad grass that won’t die for a long time). So, you scheming yellow politicians and destabilizers, foreign-funded news media and netizen trolls — you can all eat your heart out. Duterte is not going anywhere, and you can kill your hallucinations about Leni Robredo becoming President any time soon, or ever.”
The Adobo Chronicles 
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