Category Archives: Science and Environment

SCIENTISTS DISCOVER VIRUS THAT CAUSES STUPIDITY

imageNew York, New York (The Adobo Chronicles) –  U.S. scientists have identified a virus that attacks human DNA and causes stupidity in human beings. Those infected become less intelligent with the virus impairing brain activity, learning and memory.

Researchers from Johns Hopkins School of Medicine and the University of Nebraska have identified traces of an algae virus, known as ATCV-1, in throat swabs drawn from healthy volunteers which appeared to lessen their mental capacity.

The researchers, led by Dr. Robert Yolken, had originally been working on an unrelated study into throat microbes when they unexpectedly located traces of ATCV-1 in human DNA samples.

ATCV-1 typically infects a species of green algae found in lakes and rivers, and has not previously been known to infect humans.

According to the study, those infected with the virus performed around 10% worse on tests analyzing visual processing speeds, and were slower to draw a line connecting a sequence of numbers randomly distributed on a page than their uninfected counterparts. The researchers also found that the presence of the virus was linked to lower attention spans and decreased spatial awareness, and a “statistically significant decrease in the performance on cognitive assessments of visual processing and visual motor speed”.

The U.S. discovery seems to explain why politicians in the Philippines seem to be exhibiting extremely high levels of stupidity.  The presidential palace, Malacañang, sits on the banks of the Pasig river.  It is the official residence of President NoyNoy Aquino. It is also a frequent venue for meetings between the president and members of his Cabinet as well as of Congress.

The Pasig River is notoriously a polluted body of water constantly flowing with trash, debris and algae. No doubt, ATCV-1 lurks in the waters of the Pasig and has surely infected the occupants and frequent guests of the presidential palace.

It is time to clean up the palace and Congress, as well as the Pasig River.

BAY AREA’S MAGNITUDE 6.0 EARTHQUAKE ONLY A TEST, TWO TESTS IN FACT

imageSan Jose, California (The Adobo Chronicles) – Thousands of Bay Area residents were awakened by a 6.0 magnitude earthquake at a little past 3 a.m. today. The quake was centered near American Canyon and was felt all the way from Napa Valley to South San Jose.

It turns out that the quake was a test. Only a test. It was a test of the structural integrity of the new span of the Bay Bridge which, months before it opened, was dodged with controversy and problems with faulty bolts. Many critics had questioned whether the  bridge would survive a strong earthquake. As of press time, it wasn’t clear who initiated the test.

But the other test was obviously initiated by the giant social media company based in Menlo Park – Facebook. It was a test of the new Emergency Facebook System designed to replace the aging Emergency Broadcast System. From all indications, the test was very successful, with Facebook friends alerting each other about the shaker, long before it was reported by radio and television stations.

Facebook is also reportedly working on a new app that would detect and measure the intensity of earthquakes. This may put personnel of the U.S. Geological Survey (USGS) out of their jobs and they’re shaking and very nervous.

 

 

POLLS SHOW TWO-THIRDS OF THOSE WHO ACCEPT THE ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE DON’T KNOW WHAT ALS IS

imageSilicon Valley, California (The Adobo Chronicles) – According to latest reports, the ALS Association has raised more than $22 Million from its Ice Bucket Challenge which has taken the U.S. by storm.

Silicon Valley tech companies have counted more than 1.2 Million social media videos of Americans dousing themselves with a bucket of ice as part of the fundraising phenomenon. Many of the videos by company CEOs, celebrities, politicians and others from all walks of life make no mention of the disease they are supposedly raising funds for.

Random polls show that two-thirds of those who have taken up the Ice Bucket Challenge don’t know what ALS stands for or what the disease is all about.  Are you one of those people? Take this short Adobo Chronicles poll and find out.