Oh, the irony of the Bagong Pilipinas hymn! A hymn, by definition, should be a song of praise, ideally to a deity or, at the very least, to one’s nation. But Bagong Pilipinas? It’s more of a national scolding session, urging Filipinos to mend their ways.

And let’s talk about the composition—an exquisite blend of superficial lyrics and a melody that’s about as inspiring as a midweek traffic jam. It’s less a solemn anthem and more an entry in a Filipino song festival, complete with forgettable charm unlike the easily-recalled “Sa ilalim ng puting ilaw.”

“Lupang Hinirang,” the national anthem, can be proudly belted out a cappella. Bagong Pilipinas demands a karaoke machine to do it justice. Clearly, it’s a hymn in name only, offering the nation what feels more like a half-hearted jingle.