New York, New York – Millions of viewers got the shock of their lives Sunday night as MTV’s 2013 Video Music Awards unfolded on their televisions screens. Miley Cyrus and Lady Gaga competed for the night’s most coveted title of “porno queen,” a new award category begun this year by the music video channel.
Lady Gaga opened the program dressed in a white nun’s habit and square headdress. At first the audience didn’t care much for her appearance, as evidenced by boos heard over the sound system. But before her song, “Applause” came to an end, the crowd roared as she stripped down to a thong bikini and sea shell bras. Not to be outdone, former teen idol Miley Cyrus didn’t bother to cover up right from the beginning of her number, “Blurred Lines,” with Robin Thicke. She quickly stripped to a flesh-colored bikini, shook her bootie, stuck her tongue out and pointed a giant foam finger at her and Thicke’s private parts.
The winner was not announced until after the telecast because the judges couldn’t decide on who was the better porno queen. MTV had to rely on Twitter comments to make its final decision. The verdict? Miley Cyrus wins.
MTV announced that beginning next year, it will also hand out a “porno king” award. Because of the excitement generated by last night’s show, the network is reportedly contemplating on changing the official name of awards to MTV Porno Video Music Awards.
Rome, Italy – The news and social media were abuzz with photos of and comments about Madonna’s grill. Not the barbecue grill, but the dental grill. The 55 year-old diva shocked reporters and her fans after she was photographed in Rome wearing a grill, some kind of teeth jewelry resembling that of dental braces.
Many fans were visibly upset upon seeing her photos on the Internet. “She looks like a wicked witch,” a fan exclaimed.
Well, the fan is actually right. It turns out that Madonna is producing a new film, a remake of “The Wizard Of Oz,” in which she will play role of the wicked witch.
Unlike the original verson of the classic film, the remake will be filmed not in Kansas, but in Italy. “We won’t have any difficulty filming the yellow brick road scenes here in Italy, given the abundance of cobblestone roads in the country,” Madonna said.
She asked her fans to keep calm about her new look. “The grill easily comes off, like my earrings,” she said.
In the meantime, Wall Street is reporting that dental and jewelry-related stock prices have more than doubled since the Madonna photos were posted on the Internet. Many parents were also complaining that their young daughters have all of a sudden demanded to be fitted with gold braces.
Detroit-Windsor Tunnel – While the Twitter world was abuzz with ignorant and racist comments about singer Marc Anthony singing “God Bless America” at this week’s Major League Baseball All-Star Game in New York City, something else was going on at the U.S.-Canada border in Detroit, Michigan.
Pop singer Justin Bieber was barred from reentering the United States after spending the night at a downtown Windsor hotel where the teenage idol hosted a lavish but roudy party for some childhood Canadian friends. Bieber, who is a Canadian citizen, was denied re-entry by border patrol agents after they ran his passport through the document scanner. The attending agent was aghast when the scan pulled up a long list of misdemeanors attributed to the singer. The list included a link to the video showing Bieber peeing into a restaurant mop bucket in New York, during which he also sprayed a photo of President Bill Clinton with a cleaning liquid while shouting “F**k Bill Clinton! ” The list also included a Twitter meltdown, erratic driving, illegal drugs found on his tour bus and failure to pay a $1,600 bill he owed an indoor skydiving facility.
The border patrol agent, after consultation with the U.S. border supervisor, stamped Bieber’s passport with a bright pink marking that read “DENIED ENTRY.” Bieber, who was driving a red lamborghini with a special Michigan license plate that bore the letters “IMGOD,” was then asked to turn around and proceed back to Windsor. The U.S. border supervisor told The Adobo Chronicles that the decision to deny Bieber entry into the U.S. was based on discretionary decisions which he is empowered to make under the Department of Homeland Security’s border guidelines and operating procedures. He added that with the long list of misdemeanors attributed to Bieber, it is clear that the singer had no respect for U.S. laws and is an obvious threat to the peace, security and sanity of America.
While Bieber’s attorneys are preparing an appeal letter to Homeland Security, the singer accepted a last-minute invitation to sing “O Canada” at the opening of an all-star basketball game scheduled for Saturday at the Rogers Arena in downtown Vancouver. News of the invitation angered many Canadians who mistakenly thought Bieber was American.