Mason, Ohio – LensCrafters, the nationwide eyeglass chain known for its mantra of “glasses in an hour,” has offered Edward Snowden, the fugitive former employee of a contractor for the National Security Administration who leaked secret damaging documents to the media, a job as an eyeglass model. The Ohio-based company was apparently mesmerized by the photos of Snowden that have appeared in the media worldwide, showing Snowden sporting a stylish pair of eyglasses.
“His good looks with those glasses would make him the perfect eyeglass model for our company,” a spokesperson for LensCrafters told reporters today.
LensCrafters has offered Snowden a deal that would be hard to resist. The company will pay for his first-class airfare from Moscow to Ohio, shoulder all his legal expenses that may result from the espionage charges the U.S. government is preparing to file in court upon his return to the U.S. , and a salary as an eyeglass model that’s twice the compensation he was receiving at the NSA contractor company which fired him.
Snowden said he was seriously thinking about the offer and will make a decision in the next 24 hours. He said he will sleep over it on his sleeping bag at the Moscow airport and will have an announcement about the offer by 9am, Moscow time, right after he has had his cup of Starbucks coffee.
Manila, Philippines — It is definitely more fun in the Philippines – exactly as the Department of Tourism advertising mantra says – not only because Filipinos think up of the smartest and sometimes stupid things, but get away with it.
In a surprise move, the country’s Department of Motor Vehicles has actually adopted what was once a smart yet illegal activity, as an official policy. Effective July 15, 2013, the Department will be issuing two-for-one vehicle licenses whereby citizens or businesses owning two or more vehicles can purchase identical license plates for the price of one. This new policy is expected to solve the problem of many vehicle owners not obtaining the proper license plates because the cost and fees are too expensive.
The new policy is expected to put the Department of Motor Vehicles at odds with the Metro Manila Development Authority, particularly with the latter’s “coding” program. Under this coding system, motor vehicles whose license plates ending with an odd or even number are prohibited from the streets and highways of Metro Manila on specified days and times of the week. For example, vehicles wth license plates ending in 1 are prohibited on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Vehicles with license plates ending in 2 are prohibited on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. The system has been in effect for many years as a way to solve the traffic gridlock that’s been the hallmark of Metro Manila’s roadways.
Asked for his reaction to the two-for-once license plates, Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada, who as president of the Philippines was impeached and convicted for corruption, said “I don’t care either way. I am exempted from the coding rules and I always have police car escorts wherever I go so traffic is not a problem for me.”
Already, some enterprising Filipinos are planning to buy the two-for-one license plates and sell the other for half the price.
Washington. D.C. — It was just a matter of time. President Obama has signed an Executive Order placing the popular social networking site Facebook under the jurisdiction of the Department of Justice’s Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA). DEA is charged with investigating and prosecuting drug and addiction cases.
The Executive Order came on the heels of a nationwide survey among Americans aged 7 to 77 showing that millions are now seriously addicted to Facebook.
DEA has opened a hotline – 1 800 IADDICT – to receive confidential tips to help the agency identify and file charges against Facebook addicts. DEA has also sought the assistance of the National Security Adminustration (NSA) which has long been known to be monitoring Facebook and other Internet accounts of Americans.
Under the Executive Order, Facebook addiction is defined as “logging in to a Facebook account for more than 15 minutes during any of these times: 6am to 9am, 11am to 2pm and 5pm to Midnight.” Those charged and convicted will face a maximum prison term of 30 days or until completion of a two-week Facebook Anonymous program, whichever comes first.
Everywhere throughout the country, this phrase will be repeated over and over as DEA pursues its mandate to curb the social menace: “Hi, my name is ——, and I am a Facebook addict.”