Category Archives: International

LOST AND FOUND: POPE FRANCIS’ SKULLCAP NOW SELLING ON EBAY

Pope Francis upon arrival at Villamor Airbase in Manila
Pope Francis upon arrival at Villamor Airbase in Manila

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – As if a heavenly sign from the Holy Gust that the Pope has arrived in the Philippines, the skullcap of Pope Francis was blown away by strong winds as he stepped out of the Sri Lanka plane that brought him to Villamor Airbase in Manila.

The skullcap was lost, but is now found. On eBay.

The starting bid was One Million Pesos, but in just a little over an hour, the highest bid has reached Ten Million.

An investigation by The Adobo Chronicles has traced the leading bid to a jail cell in Fort Sto. Domingo in Santa Rosa, Laguna, a few miles south of Manila.

That’s where pork barrel scam mastermind businesswomen Janet Lim- Napoles is being held.

PHILIPPINE PRESIDENT AQUINO TURNS POPE FRANCIS’ VISIT INTO A GRIPE SESSION

imageMANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – Pope Francis yesterday urged an audience of senior political leaders “to reject every form of corruption, which diverts resources from the poor, and to make concerted efforts to ensure the inclusion of every man and woman and child.”

It was was a somber message that put Philippine politicians on notice that the Vatican is well aware of  the corruption that has plaqued this Catholic country in the last several years and beyond.

In contrast, with the Pope looking on, President Aquino complained that local church leaders were  overly critical of him and his administration and that they even ‘gave me unsolicited advice on my hair.’  The balding Aquino who has repeatedly blamed previous administrations for the problems faced by his country today. ‘The church should turn their criticism toward my predecessors,’ Aquino said. Immediate past President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo is under hospital arrest for corruption charges while her predecessor, now Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada, was convicted and jailed for similar offenses but later pardoned by Arroyo.

In response to Aquino’s gripe, the Pope told him, “Blessed are those that that love their political enemies, for they shall achieve eternal power in heaven. Blessed are those who are criticized for thinning hair, for they shall receive a full head of hair in heaven.”

Aquino was heard whispering to the Pope: ‘Amen.’

POPE ASKS FOR BALUT FOR FIRST DINNER IN THE PHILIPPINES

Balut
Balut

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – It is no secret that Pope Francis, since being chosen leader of the Roman Catholic Church, has chosen a life of simplicity, giving up the papal limousine in favor of an old, used Fiat and opting to live in an apartment in the Vatican where he dines with other clergy and seminarians.

Continuing this simple living, the Pope tonight refused the Kobe beef served for his first dinner at the Apostolic Nunciature where he will be staying during his Manila visit.

Instead, he asked for a piece of balut, that lowly but delicious boiled duck embryo peddled in the streets of the metropolis and a favorite food of poor people.

“I came here in solidarity with the poor and disadvantaged, so I want to eat as they eat,” the Pope said in Latin.

The pope apparently liked it so much, he asked for a second serving.

Viva il Papa! Long Live the Balut!