Category Archives: Health & Medicine

SCIENTISTS DISCOVER VIRUS THAT CAUSES STUPIDITY

imageNew York, New York (The Adobo Chronicles) –  U.S. scientists have identified a virus that attacks human DNA and causes stupidity in human beings. Those infected become less intelligent with the virus impairing brain activity, learning and memory.

Researchers from Johns Hopkins School of Medicine and the University of Nebraska have identified traces of an algae virus, known as ATCV-1, in throat swabs drawn from healthy volunteers which appeared to lessen their mental capacity.

The researchers, led by Dr. Robert Yolken, had originally been working on an unrelated study into throat microbes when they unexpectedly located traces of ATCV-1 in human DNA samples.

ATCV-1 typically infects a species of green algae found in lakes and rivers, and has not previously been known to infect humans.

According to the study, those infected with the virus performed around 10% worse on tests analyzing visual processing speeds, and were slower to draw a line connecting a sequence of numbers randomly distributed on a page than their uninfected counterparts. The researchers also found that the presence of the virus was linked to lower attention spans and decreased spatial awareness, and a “statistically significant decrease in the performance on cognitive assessments of visual processing and visual motor speed”.

The U.S. discovery seems to explain why politicians in the Philippines seem to be exhibiting extremely high levels of stupidity.  The presidential palace, Malacañang, sits on the banks of the Pasig river.  It is the official residence of President NoyNoy Aquino. It is also a frequent venue for meetings between the president and members of his Cabinet as well as of Congress.

The Pasig River is notoriously a polluted body of water constantly flowing with trash, debris and algae. No doubt, ATCV-1 lurks in the waters of the Pasig and has surely infected the occupants and frequent guests of the presidential palace.

It is time to clean up the palace and Congress, as well as the Pasig River.

MAN SUES WIFE FOR DIVORCE, SAYS SHE HAS CHRONIC SELFITIS

CaptureLos Angeles, California (The Adobo Chronicles) – A Latino man is suing his wife of one year for divorce because he says she is suffering from selfitis.

In March of this year, The Adobo Chronicles broke the story about the American Psychiatric Association officially classifying the taking of selfies as a mental disorder.  The disorder, called selfitis (inflammation of the ego), comes in three stages: borderline, acute and chronic.

In arguing his case before a lady judge, Richard R. says his wife  Mariana has chronic selfitis and is petitioning the court to force the wife to submit to a psychiatric examination and undergo sexual therapy. “Her condition has severely affected our relationship.  The moment she opens her eyes in the morning and wherever she goes or whatever she’s doing, she’s always taking self photographs. We don’t even have time to have a nice romantic dinner and sex between us is down to just three days a week, all because she is pre-occupied with taking selfies,” the man said.

Mariana says there is nothing wrong with taking selfies. “Everybody is doing it.”

Richard asked the judge that if his wife does not agree to see a psychiatrist and sexual therapist, he would like a divorce and a reimbursement for $8,000 which he spent to bring his wife from Argentina. The case is now in the hands of the jury.

VIDEO: Watch the oral arguments.

A LUXURIOUS RESORT ISLAND VACATION AWAITS FILIPINOS RETURNING FROM EBOLA-AFFECTED COUNTRIES

Caballo Island, off Manila Bay
Caballo Island, off Manila Bay

Caballo Island, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – We say again: It’s More Fun in the Philippines.

In the U.S., citizens returning from Ebola-stricken countries in West Africa are quarantined in tents and isolated in hospitals. In the Philippines, they are offered a three-week luxury vacation in a resort island just off Manila Bay.

An island hosting a Philippine Navy installation will serve as home for three weeks for 112 Filipino peacekeepers returning from Ebola-stricken Liberia. The members of the Philippine contingent will be quarantined on Caballo Island, located 2.6 miles east of Corregidor, when they return to the country on Nov. 11.

“The peacekeepers will enjoy their stay in that island,” Armed Forces of the Philippines (AFP) public affairs chief Lt. Col. Harold Cabunoc told reporters at Camp Aguinaldo yesterday. He said the soldiers can go fishing and nature tripping. If they choose to stay indoors, the peacekeepers can surf the Internet or watch their favorite cable channel.

Cabunoc said the island stay is a fitting reward for the Filipino troops who risked their lives to maintain peace in Liberia.

Meanwhile, Philippine Senator Miriam Santiago proposed a new bill designating Caballo Island as a quanrantine island for all corrupt politcians convicted of or facing graft and  corruption or plunder charges.  “Nothing is a more appropriate punishment than isolating all evil people in the same small island,” Santiago said. “I know they can’t stand each other, so that would be a better option than locking them up in individual prison cells,” she added.