Category Archives: Government

U.S. LEADS IN MASSIVE CLEAN-UP OF THE PHILIPPINES

imageMANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – Last year, the  United States and the Philippines signed a 10-year defense agreement, considered by many as one of the clearest signs yet of renewed American engagement in the region at a time when tensions between China and its neighbors have been rising.

The agreement will entail moving American ships and planes to the Philippines more frequently as well as engaging in more training exercises with the country’s forces.

But a little-known provision in this pact is a firm commitment from the Americans to help the Philippines with the much-needed clean-up of the country’s environmental and political filth.

Today, U.S. Ambassador Philip Goldberg led hundreds of Filipino volunteers to undertake a massive clean-up of Manila’s Pasig River, known for many decades now for its polluted water and garbage-filled river banks. This dire situation has all but exacerbated the problem of perennial flooding in the metropolis.

Members of the international diplomatic corps also participated in today’s civic engagement project.

In talking to reporters after the day-long clean-up project, Goldberg said this was jut the beginning of many more projects schduled this year.

“Next, we will undertake a massive clean up of Philippine Congress, then Malacanang (the presidential palace), and finally the judiciary,” he said.

He was, of course, talking about political — not environmental — filth, including, but not limited to, the pork barrel scam, government curruption, the Aquino administration’s inefficiency, and justice for sale.

TOP 10 REASONS THERE WILL NEVER BE A WOMAN U.S. PRESIDENT

imageSAN FRANCISCO, California (The Adobo Chronicles) – Now that Hillary Clinton has officially declared she is running for president in 2016,  the political and media circles have begun the unending debate on whether or not America is ready for a woman President.

We at The Adobo Chronicles maintain that there will never ever be a woman president in the U.S., and here’s why:

  1. There is no official title for a woman president’s husband at The White House.
  2. The American military will never take orders from a woman Commander-in-Chief.
  3. The White House has never dealt with maternity leave for as long as we all can remember.
  4. Presidents are fitted with dark suits, not dark pantsuits.
  5. Air Force One does not have a stall, only a urinal, for the bathroom on board. Marine One does not have a bathroom at all.
  6.  Our founding fathers didn’t have mothers in mind when they established the Union.
  7. There cannot be two women in the White House kitchen. The current executive chef is already a woman, Filipina-American Cristeta Comerford.
  8. A woman president can take a 3 a.m. call in her pajamas, but will always be late for a 7 a.m. meeting or appointment.
  9. Politicians and the media will never criticize a woman president, lest they be accused of being sexist.
  10. We do not want a repeat of that international embarassment when George W. Bush was caught on camera giving German Chancellor Angela Merkel a back rub. We would not allow that to happen to our woman president!

HILLARY CLINTON OFFICIALLY DECLARES CANDIDACY; NOYNOY AQUINO OFFICIALLY CHANGES HIS CIGARETTE BRAND

imageMANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – “Every day, America needs a champion, and I wanna be that champion.” With those words, former First Lady Hillary Clinton officially declared her candidacy in the 2016 U.S. presidential elections.

Inspired by those very same words, Philippines President NoyNoy Aquino — a known chain smoker — officially changed his brand of cigarettes to Champion. Not just any Champion, but Mild Menthol Champion, imported from the United States.

An Aquino spokesperson said that by changing his brand and riding on the popularity of Hillary, the president expects a significant improvement in his approval ratings which have been on the decline lately.

Puff away, Mr. President!