All posts by Pol Pinoy

Government, Language, Politics

Malacañang Now Hiring For Duterte Speechwriters

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C01DE1B3-D5AF-4A2B-A00C-00BD5BAE334FMANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – Malacañang has just announced  several openings for Presidential speechwriters.

Interested parties should contact Presidential Spokesperson Harry Roque immediately.

Here are the desired qualifications:

  • Must be drug-free (except for over-the-counter medications)
  • College degree not required (Alumni of Ateneo, De La Salle, U.P. and St. Scholastica’s College need not apply)
  • Must be tri-lingual (English, Tagalog and Visayan). Working knowledge of swardspeak a plus.
  • Must be comfortable using foul language
  • Must have the energy to write three-hour-long speeches
  • Crticial Thinking is critical
  • Must have a large caché of jokes
  • Must be well-versed in double entendre
  • Must be a lover of women (gay men also welcome to apply since they love dressing up women and doing their hair and make-up)
  • Must not be too religious (spiritual is okay) and willing to take on the Catholic Bishops of the Philippines
  • Must have an I.Q. 25% higher than Leni Robredo and Cynthia Patag

 

Government, Politics, Social Media

EXCLUSIVE! This Is How DU30 Will Insult Leni Robredo During His SONA

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00E20B8F-93C2-4BFB-B548-8EA7801517F4MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – Leni Robredo has said that she will attend  Rodrigo Duterte’s third State of the Nation Address (SONA) on Monday and is ready to face insults from the President.

The Adobo Chronicles has obtained a copy of the President’s speech, and indeed, he will insult Robredo right at the beginning of his SONA.

Here’s the first paragraph of the speech:

 

Mr. Senate President, Mr. Speaker, esteemed Justices of the Supreme Court, our brave men and women of the Armed Forces of the Philippines, my fellow countrymen…

Gender, Government, Politics

In Anticipation Of Succeeding Duterte, Leni Robredo Lines Up An All-Women Cabinet

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DF2F10E2-CEF6-4878-825C-54015684DD19.jpegMANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – Faced with the prospect of becoming transitory (to Federalism) president, Leni Robredo has announced her choices of people that will make up her Cabinet and other officials of her administration.  And it’s all women.

Here’s her initial list:

  • Mae Paner, a.k.a. Juana Change, Secretary of Health
  • Maria Ressa, Secretary, Presidential Communications Operations Office (PCOO)
  • Jover Laurio, Social Media Secretary (new Department)
  • Raissa Robles, Commissioner, National Historical Commission
  • Cynthia Patag, Commissioner, National Commission on Aging
  • Karen Davila, Presidential Spokesperson
  • Korina Sanchez, Ambassador to Guyana
  • Solita Monsod, Governor of Bangko Sentral Ng Pilipinas (Central Bank of the Philippines)
  • Agot Isidro, Commissioner of the Weather Bureau
  • Jim Paredes, Social Secretary, Malacañang

In addition, Robredo also said that Georgina Hernandez will take over the post of Special Assistant to the President Bong Go.

While NoyNoy Aquino’s motto was “Tuwid na Daan,” Robredo has chosen her own meme, “#BabaeAko.”