MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – Malacañang has just announced several openings for Presidential speechwriters.
Interested parties should contact Presidential Spokesperson Harry Roque immediately.
Here are the desired qualifications:
- Must be drug-free (except for over-the-counter medications)
- College degree not required (Alumni of Ateneo, De La Salle, U.P. and St. Scholastica’s College need not apply)
- Must be tri-lingual (English, Tagalog and Visayan). Working knowledge of swardspeak a plus.
- Must be comfortable using foul language
- Must have the energy to write three-hour-long speeches
- Crticial Thinking is critical
- Must have a large caché of jokes
- Must be well-versed in double entendre
- Must be a lover of women (gay men also welcome to apply since they love dressing up women and doing their hair and make-up)
- Must not be too religious (spiritual is okay) and willing to take on the Catholic Bishops of the Philippines
- Must have an I.Q. 25% higher than Leni Robredo and Cynthia Patag