Malacañang Now Hiring For Duterte Speechwriters

C01DE1B3-D5AF-4A2B-A00C-00BD5BAE334FMANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – Malacañang has just announced  several openings for Presidential speechwriters.

Interested parties should contact Presidential Spokesperson Harry Roque immediately.

Here are the desired qualifications:

  • Must be drug-free (except for over-the-counter medications)
  • College degree not required (Alumni of Ateneo, De La Salle, U.P. and St. Scholastica’s College need not apply)
  • Must be tri-lingual (English, Tagalog and Visayan). Working knowledge of swardspeak a plus.
  • Must be comfortable using foul language
  • Must have the energy to write three-hour-long speeches
  • Crticial Thinking is critical
  • Must have a large caché of jokes
  • Must be well-versed in double entendre
  • Must be a lover of women (gay men also welcome to apply since they love dressing up women and doing their hair and make-up)
  • Must not be too religious (spiritual is okay) and willing to take on the Catholic Bishops of the Philippines
  • Must have an I.Q. 25% higher than Leni Robredo and Cynthia Patag

 

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