News Media Outlets Confirm: Philippine President Is A Cannibal

September 6, 2016 Pol Pinoy Leave a comment

VIENTIANE, Laos (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – The international news media couldn’t be more happy with lots of juicy reports on statements made by Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte.

It was just a couple days ago when news headlines proclaimed that Duterte had called U.S. President Barack Obama “son of a whore.” The news reports prompted Obama to cancel his scheduled meeting with Duterte in Laos.

Now, an even juicer news story about Duterte is grabbing headlines. The Philippine president is a confirmed cannibal.

While attending the ASEAN Summit, Duterte has pledged to personally deal with a group of Islamist militants by publicly eating them alive.

“They will pay. When the time comes, I will eat you in front of people,” Duterte said while addressing an audience in Laos.

The statement comes in response to a bombing incident that took place last week at a crowded market in Duterte’s hometown of Davao City, killing 14 people and injuring scores of others. The government blamed Islamic State-linked militant group Abu Sayyaf for the blast.

Upon reading the news headlines, President Obama said he was glad he cancelled his meeting with Duterte. “I could have been eaten alive,” he said.

Beauty, International, Race Relations

Japan To Ban All Beauty Pageants

September 6, 2016 Pol Pinoy Leave a comment

Yoshikawa, left, and Morimoto: mixed-race Japanese beauties

TOKYO, Japan (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – First it was Ariana Morimoto, crowned as last year’s Miss Japan and who represented her country in the Miss Universe Pageant. Now, it’s Priyanka Yoshikawa, the new Miss Japan who will compete in this year’s Miss World.

Both have one thing in common. They’re “haafu,” the Japanese word for half. Morimoto is half black and Yoshikawa is half Indian.

Critics have complained that a “pure” Japanese should represent the country in international beauty competitions. For them, having a mixed-race beauty queen two years in a row is just too much to handle.

Responding to the critics, Japan has announced that it will now ban all beauty pageants in the country and has abolished all local franchises for international pageants like Miss Universe, Miss World and Miss International.