News Media Outlets Confirm: Philippine President Is A Cannibal

image.jpegVIENTIANE, Laos (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – The international news media couldn’t be more happy with lots of juicy reports on statements made by Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte.

It was just a couple days ago when news headlines proclaimed that Duterte had called U.S. President Barack Obama “son of a whore.”  The news reports prompted Obama to cancel his scheduled meeting with Duterte in Laos.

Now, an even juicer news story about Duterte is grabbing headlines.  The Philippine president is a confirmed cannibal.

While attending the ASEAN Summit, Duterte has pledged to personally deal with a group of Islamist militants by publicly eating them alive.

“They will pay. When the time comes, I will eat you in front of people,” Duterte said while addressing an audience in Laos.

The statement comes in response to a bombing incident that took place last week at a crowded market in Duterte’s hometown of Davao City, killing 14 people and injuring scores of others. The government blamed Islamic State-linked militant group Abu Sayyaf for the blast.

Upon reading the news headlines, President Obama said he was glad he cancelled his meeting with Duterte.  “I could have been eaten alive,” he said.

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