OVERWHELMED BY POPE’S VISIT, SPEAKER BOEHNER PROMISES MAJOR REFORMS

Pope Francis, left, and a tearful Boehner
Pope Francis, left, and a tearful Boehner

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles® ) –  Overwhelmed by the Pope’s presence, and the enlightenment of The Holy Spirit, a tearful and repentant House Speaker John Boehner promised to lead the Republican Party to institute major reforms long resisted by the GOP.

Pope Francis addressed a joint session of the U.S. Congress this morning, calling on legislators to emulate the examples of four great Americans: Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, Dorothy Day and Thomas Merton.

A devout Catholic, Boehner could not contain his emotions standing next to the head of the Roman Catholic Church during the visiting pontiff’s speech inside the Congress chambers and in a short balcony appearance to greet the crowd that packed the lawn leading up from the Washington Monument.

Soon after the Pope left Capitol Hill, Boehner called for an impromptu press conference, telling reporters that he was so inspired by Francis’ message that he will lead the GOP in instituting major reforms including those on comprehensive immigration, climate change, creating jobs, taxing the rich, abolishing the death penalty, boosting Obamacare through Universal Health care, dialogue with Iraq, Iran, North Korea, Russia and China, as well as  a humanitarian U.S. response to the Syrian refugee crisis.

So far, there has been no response from the Republican presidential candidates on Boehner’s announcement.

DONALD TRUMP DUMPS FOX NEWS TO CNN’S DELIGHT

CaptureNEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles®) – Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump is done with FOX News, and CNN couldn’t be happier.

Trump has reignited his war of words with FOX, vowing on his Twitter account that he will stay off the network for the “foreseeable future.”

Trump declared in a tweet Wednesday morning that he believes he has been treated “very unfairly” by FOX, leading him to decide to dump the network.

Earlier, FOX decided to pull Trump’s appearance on “O’Reilly Factor”  after the Republican presidential frontrunner criticized O’Reilly and Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly in tweets sent on Monday and Tuesday.

CNN, the heir apparent to FOX News, celebrated Trump’s tweet by popping champagne bottles in the newsroom.

“This means I can have more news segments with Trump and more intelligent discussions on important issues in the political campaign,” CNN anchor Don Lemon said.

CNN’S ratings have been in decline for the last few months and the cable network is hoping that more appearances by Trump would help boost its viewership.

DNA RESULTS ARE IN: PHILIPPINE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE GRACE POE IS MARTIAN!

Poe, left, and Damon in "The Martian"
Poe, left, and Damon in “The Martian”

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles®) – Like the stale accusation from Donald Trump and others that U.S. President Barack Obama is not a natural-born citizen despite evidence to the contrary, questions continue to persist aimed at the disqualification of Senator Grace Poe from becoming president of the Philippines.

Poe, who continues to top the polls ahead of her two declared rivals — Vice President Jejomar Binay and Aquino administration bet Mar Roxas — is an adopted daughter of the late actor and presidential candidate Fernando Poe, Jr. and actress Susan Roces.  She was found abandoned in a church in Central Philippines.

Many have questioned whether the popular senator is a natural-born Filipino, which is a requirement to run for president.

To put all speculation to rest, Poe had agreed to undergo DNA testing, along with relatives thought to be her biological parents.

Today, the DNA tests came back.  They were negative. There was no match.

Further testing uncovered the ultimate truth:  Poe is from Mars.

Perhaps her biological father is Matt Damon, currently starring in a new Hollywood movie, “The Martian?”