The Adobo Chronicles

George Take, right, with The Adobo Chronicles publisher at a reception announcing the legendary actor's new position. — George Takei, right, with Adobo Chron publisher at a reception announcing the legendary actor’s new position.

Hollywood, California – George Takei, the original Mr. Sulu in the Star Trek series, may have fooled everyone with his April 1st prank about hosting Saturday Night Live, but he has always been dead serious about his next “dream” gig which is to be a star news correspondent in Hollywood. Well, it is no longer a dream.

Takei and The Adobo Chronicles jointly announced today that the legendary actor has accepted the position of Hollywood Bureau Chief for the fast-rising Internet publication. As bureau chief, Takei will be responsible for bringing up-to-the-minute news and exclusive gossip from the film capital of the world. “With his long association with actors and film makers as well as his top expertise on the ins and outs of Hollywood, we could not think of any one better to fill this coveted position,” said the publisher of The Adobo Chronicles.

“There’s more to Hollywood than what you see on film or during The Oscars,” Takei said. ” I promise to bring you the best and latest, no- holds-barred reports never before seen or read in American media.”

Takei will be will be working with a core group of experienced Hollywood correspondents.

Asked by reporters how he fills about his new position, Takei simply answered, “Oh my!”

Chicago, Illinois – America’s Finest News Source is proposing a merger with Your Source of Up-to-date Unbelievable News.

The Chicago-based The Onion has offered to absorb the international operations of the Silicon Valley-based The Adobo Chronicles for $2 Million. The Onion, which started its Internet operations in 1988, boasts of a monthly viewership of 11 Million. The Adobo Chronicles, on the other hand, started just nine months ago and is now enjoying an average monthly viewership of 1 Million.

Investors for The Onion see a great potential to increase its worldwide viewership by merging with The Adobo Chronicles.

The Adobo Chronicles has assembled a team of lawyers and investment analysts to study the merger proposal. The name of the merged company is obviously a sticky issue, with both media outlets wanting to retain their respective names. Ironically, the names of both companies have to do with food: onion being a widely-used vegetable for cooking and adobo being the national dish of the Philippines.

Negotiators on either side have, however, agreed on the tagline for the merged company: “Your Finest Source of Up-to-Date Unbelievable World News.” A great start in the negotiations.

Media mergers and buyouts are becoming more and more common but this proposed merger is different in that it has nothing to do with either company’s financial challenges. Rather it is seen as great potential for expansion and viewership.