Tag Archives: Selfitis

Business, Health & Medicine, International, Technology

FDA APPROVES FIRST ‘SELFIE’ DRUG

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imageLENERKUSEN, NORTH RHINE-WESTPHALIA, Germany (The Adobo Chronicles) – The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has given the green light to Bayer Pharmaceuticals for the marketing of the first drug to cure selfitis, an inflammation of the ego which last year was officially declared a mental disorder by the American Psychiatric Association.

Bayer is a German chemical and pharmaceutical company founded in Barmen, Germany in 1863. It is headquartered in Leverkusen, North Rhine-Westphalia, Germany and well is known for its original brand of aspirin.

The FDA approval came after successful Phase III clinical trials which showed the new pill’s overwhelming safety and efficacy in combatting selfies – the taking of photos of one’s self and posting them on social media.

Because selfitis has become a highly contagious worldwide epidemic, the FDA granted Bayer a fast track approval process. FDA drug approval takes takes anywhere from 10 to 15 years, but it took just 14 months for Bayer to gain the marketing green light.

The new drug comes in pill form and requires a doctor’s prescription. Dosage is different for men and women.  Men need to take one pill a day while women need 5  pills.  Neither Bayer nor the FDA had any explanation on the dosage discrepancy.

Bayer is now pursuing drug approval in Europe and Asia.

 

Business, Health & Medicine, Human Interest, Technology

NEW STANFORD STUDY SAYS CUSTOM BREAD TOASTER CAN CURE SELFITIS

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imagePALO ALTO, California (The Adobo Chronicles) – Researchers at Stanford University Medical School have found an unusual cure for selfitis, a mental disorder defined by the American Psychiatric Association as “the obsessive-compulsive urge to take photos of one’s self and posting them on social media.” It is estimated that 250 Million people worldwide suffer from selfitis.

The new cure is in the form of a ‘selfie toaster’ which imprints personalized selfie photos on bread slices. The kitchen appliance is manufactured and distrubuted by Vermont Novelty Toaster Corporation. The Vermont-based company is the same manufacturer of the ‘Jesus toaster’ and the ‘Virgin Mary toaster.’

For just $75, you can now order a custom image toaster that will brown your face, or any other image you submit, into toasted bread, said company owner Galen Dively.

The Stanford researchers  studied 500 individuals suffering from chronic selfitis and provided them with customized selfie toasters. After just six months of tracking the study participants, researchers found that 75% were cured of selfitis and have totally stopped taking selfies.

“We believe that the daily routine of ‘consuming one’s self’ for breakfast creates a subconscious resolve to keep the ego in check,” the researchers concluded.

So much for the saying, “You’re toast!” Now we can say, “You’re cured!” Of selfitis.

Health & Medicine, Technology

STANFORD SCIENTISTS DISCOVER CURE FOR SELFITIS

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imagePALO ALTO, California (The Adobo Chronicles) – It was less than a year ago when the American Psychiatric Association (APA) officially declared the taking of ‘selfies’ a mental disorder — called selfitis.  Now, researchers at Stanford University have found a cure for the disease which manifests itself through the inflammation of the ego.

APA defines selfitis as the obsessive compulsive desire to take pictures of one’s self and post them on social media.  The disorder comes in three stages: borderline, acute and chronic.

The newly-discovered cure does not involve any drugs or medical treatment — just a simple group therapy.

The researchers, after studying hundreds of patients suffering from selfitis, announced that the mental disorder can be immediately cured by participating in group selfies, more popularly known as ‘groufies.’

“By participating in group selfies, individuals diagnosed with selfities can quickly recover from inflammation of their individual or personal ego, leading to a remission of their mental disorder,” the researchers said.

So the next time you have the urge to take a selfie, gather a group of friends or family members and take a groufie.  It will do your mental health some good.  In no time, you will be selfitis-free!