Santa Clara, California –  America’s three major sports leagues have jointly issued guidelines for singers invited to sing the “Star-Spangled Banner,” or “God Bless America” during sports events.  Meeting in Santa Clara, California, future home of the San Francisco 49ers, the National Football League, National Basketball Association and Major League Baseball all agreed to strictly abide by the new rules.

The rules were drawn up following recent controversies that involved Latino singers invited to sing at major sports events: 11-year old Mariachi singer Sebastien De La Cruz and Jennifer Lopez’s ex-husband Marc Anthony. 

De La Cruz sang the U.S. National Anthem at Game 3 of the NBA playoff series between the San Antonio Spurs and Miami Heat while Anthony sang “God Bless America” at an All-Star Major League Baseball game.  Both performances were condemned by U.S. nationalists for what they called “singing American while being Latino.”  Both singers, of course, are U.S. citizens and are as American as apple pie.

In crafting the new guidelines, the major leagues wanted to make sure that they are not perceived as being racists, so they proposed a basic, core language for the guidelines, as follows:

“Any singer who rolls his or her ‘Rs’ will not be allowed to perform at the games.”

The Union representing singers and performers immediately sent a memo to all its members advising them to practice saying and singing the words, “America,” “Broad Stripes and Bright Stars,”  “Perilous Fight,” “ramparts ”  etc.  and to do so with a “twang.”