Gloria Macapagal Arroyo | The Adobo Chronicles

Honolulu, Hawaii – The islands of Hawaii are a convenient and strategic place for deposed, disgraced and criminally-charged Philippine politicians when fleeing, or trying to flee, their country. Honolulu became the temporary home of the late Ferdinand Marcos, his wife Imelda and their children when the dictator was forced to leave the Philippines following the historic People’s Power Revolution.

Another former president, Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, more popularly referred to as ‘GMA,’ is rumored to be planning an escape to Hawaii’s Big Island. GMA is currently under hospital arrest for criminal charges of plunder and electoral fraud committed while she was president.

GMA’s plan just went poooof!

Hawaii’s mayor Billy Kenoi has signed a bill that bans genetically-engineered crops and plants, better known as GMO. Bill 113 was passed by the Hawaii County Council last November.

Arroyo’s chief of staff delivered the bad news to her at her hospital bed at a government hospital in Manila. The chief of staff did not realize that he had misread the news from Hawaii, thinking that the Big Island had just banned his boss, GMA, from coming to the islands.

Now, the Hawaii County Council picked up the idea. It is now considering a bill to ban GMA, in addition to the already banned GMO.

New York, New York – Following their defeat in the New York Democratic primary elections, Anthony Weiner and Eliot Spitzer both announced that they have applied for Philippine citizenship in order to salvage their severely damaged political careers. Weiner lost his bid to become mayor of New York City, while Spitzer failed in his quest to become city comptroller.

Weiner had been in political exile since he resigned from Congress in 2011 for sending women lewd online messages and pictures. He got into the mayor’s race in May, and aside from a few dust-ups with hecklers, was largely well-received at first, holding the lead for most of June and July. Spitzer resigned as governor in 2008 and admitted he paid for sex with call girls. In exile, he bounced around television as a pundit. Then, just four days before the deadline, he announced he was running for comptroller.

The disgraced American politicians apparently saw light at the end of the tunnel after being briefed by their political advisers that in the Philippines, politicians get elected and re-elected regardless of scandals or even conviction and imprisonment. Their advisers pointed to the case of former Philippine President Joseph Estrada, who even after being convicted and jailed for corruption, ran and won the race for mayor of Manila, the Philippine capital. They also cited the case of another former Philippine President, Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, who despite being charged with plunder and is currently under hospital arrest, won a seat in the House of Representatives. They added, “This is not to mention the family of the late dictator Ferdinand Marcos whose wife Imelda has been elected to Congress and son Bongbong who won a Senate seat. Daughter Imee is governor of Marcos’ home province of Ilocos Norte.”

The Adobo Chronicles has learned that Philippine immigration officials have offered to expedite the immigration and citizenship process for both Weiner and Spitzer while Mayor Joseph Estrada indicated he will roll the red carpet for the Americans when they arrive at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport. Asked to comment about the American politicians’ plan to move to the Philippines, President NoyNoy Aquino said, “They would be a welcome addition to the Philippine political circus, I mean circuit.”

The next scheduled national elections in the Philippines is in 2016. Will the Filipino electorate see a Weiner and a Spitzer for Congress?