Economy, Politics, Social Media, Tourism, Travel

Will A Harris Presidency Cut Off Sore Thumb-Sticking Out Florida From U.S. Map?

September 29, 2024 Pol Pinoy Leave a comment

In a bold geopolitical move, Governor Ron DeSantis threatens to take Florida’s sun-drenched beaches and alligator-infested swamps and secede if Kamala Harris wins the presidency this November.

Imagine the logistical nightmare! Americans needing visas to visit grandma in Boca Raton, Miami transformed into an international port of mystery, and Disney World packed up and moved to Ohio.

As DeSantis envisions Florida becoming the next great world power (surely rivaling Monaco), the rest of the U.S. breathes a quiet sigh of relief at the thought of a more aesthetically pleasing map. Without that peninsula awkwardly jutting into the Atlantic like a sunburned thumb, the country would look a bit more… streamlined.

Of course, this secession would also be a gift to international tourists, who can finally bypass Miami’s labyrinthine customs in favor of cruise ships launching from Georgia. Who knew the Sunshine State could shine so brightly outside the union?

Marcos Hair Follicle Test, Duterte Brain Scan Results Shock Nation

September 28, 2024 Pol Pinoy Leave a comment

In a shocking twist that rocked the nation, President Bongbong Marcos has finally submitted to a hair follicle test following persistent rumors of cocaine use. The test results, however, revealed something far more astounding: his hair is too privileged to be tested.

Meanwhile, not to be outdone, Vice President Sara Duterte, eager to quash accusations of being intellectually challenged, underwent a brain scan. The results? Her left brain has nothing right, and her right brain has nothing left.

Specialists are still baffled by the sheer emptiness, dubbing it a “first in medical history.”

The results have sparked nationwide debate, with Marcos’ camp hailing the follicle findings as proof of his “impeccable lineage,” while Duterte’s spokesperson clarified that her brain is simply “too powerful to be measured by conventional science.”

Critics remain unconvinced, calling for independent repeat tests for both Marcos and Duterte.