WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH LEADER FRED PHELPS DIAGNOSED WITH INCURABLE DEPRESSION, AADD

indexTopeca, Kansas – The Westboro Baptist Church (WBC) announced today that their leader, Fred Phelps, has been diagnosed with incurable depression and Acute Attention Deficit Disorder.  The announcement came soon after WBC said they were planning on picketing the funeral of  ‘Fast and Furious’ star Paul Walker who died in a car crash last weekend.  In a tweet, the WBC said, “Paul Walker taught a nation to be fast and furious. He died that same way.”

Church members, 100% of whom are family members of Phelps, said that their leader has become so depressed because he was not getting the right amount of attention he wanted from the group’s public pickets.

The WBC is an American unaffiliated Baptist church known for its extreme ideologies and has been involved in actions against gay people  since at least 1991, when it sought a crackdown on homosexual activity at Gage Park, six blocks northwest of the church. In addition to conducting anti-gay protests at military funerals, the organization pickets other celebrity funerals and public events that are likely to get media attention. Protests have also been held against Jews and some protests have included WBC members stomping on the American flag.

It is not known whether Phelps will continue in his position as head of the WBC.  In the last week, he has reportedly locked himself in his bedroom, watching a video of the 1950 film, Sunset Boulevard, over and over.  Family members have heard him constantly uttering the line from the film: “Alright Mr. DeMille, I am ready for my close-up.” It is a famous line by the film’s crazed attention-driven actress character Norma Desmond (played by Gloria Swanson).

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OCEANOGRAPHERS DEMAND A NAME CHANGE FOR SAN JOSE SHARKS

imageSan Jose, California – If you think the Washington Redskins is the only sports team that is generating a lot of controversy over its name and mascot, think again. Other teams have had their share of criticism and protest, among them, the Atlanta Braves, South Florida University Seminoles,  Cleveland Indians, and Chicago Blackhawks .

The latest sports team to  face ridicule is the San Jose Sharks, the popular hockey team of the Silicon Valley.

In a letter to Sharks Executive Vice President and General Manager Doug Wilson, a group of international oceanographers demanded that the Sharks immediately change its name.  The group said that sharks already have a bad rap because of the Hollywood movie, Jaws. “The last thing we need is to have a hockey team unnecessarily parading and promoting  the ‘sharks’ name and mascot, especially if if loses its games,” the group said.

The San Jose Sharks has not issued any response to the oceanographers’ demand. It remains to be seen whether or not San Jose will remain “sharks territory.”

OBAMA HECKLER TO APPEAR IN “HUNGER GAMES 3: MOCKINGJAY”

imageSan Jose, California (The ADOBO CHRONICLES) – The world watched as a 24-year old undocumented immigrant interrupted President Obama’s speech on immigration in San Francisco last week.

Ju Hong, who was among those invited to be part of the President’s backdrop for his speech, demanded that Obama issue an executive order to stop all deportations of undocumented immigrants. Instead of allowing the Secret Service to whisk Hong away, Obama said the heckler could stay so that he could give the young man from South Korea an abridged civics lesson.

Well, it turns out that among those watching the television coverage of Obama’s speech was Debra Zane, the casting director of ‘Hunger Games.’ It so happened that she was finalizing the casting for the film’s third installment of the trilogy.  Immediately after the San Francisco event, Zane contacted Hong and offered him a role in ‘Mockingjay.’

In ‘Mockingjay,’  Katniss Everdeen (played by Jennifer Lawrence)  leads the rebels in uprisings against President Snow and the Capitol. Hong will play one of the young rebels in District 13.
Zane said that watching Hong’s courage and passion in speaking out during Obama’s speech impressed her, and that those are the characteristics she was looking for in casting young rebels for ‘Mockingjay.’ Hong’ s rebel role will involve heckling President Snow as he addresses his loyal constituents in the Capitol.

Zane refused to answer the question on whether the film production company will sponsor Hong’s green card application.

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