Ah, the VP’s grand hair follicle test challenge—a bold new way to display “leadership” in the 2025 elections! It’s like a plot twist straight out of a reality TV show: Survivor: Drug Test Edition. One wonders if she’s aware that the real intrigue here isn’t which candidate has the cleanest follicles, but rather, who’s daring enough to call her bluff.

To those who say VP Sara’s enthusiasm for these follicular deep dives would be more convincing if she herself underwent a drug and psychiatric test, I say—perhaps her father could join in on the fun! Imagine it: Rodrigo Duterte, the comeback king of Davao City politics, throwing his hat (and follicles) into the ring. After all, given his own history of fentanyl use, shouldn’t he lead by example? Just to make sure that he’s, you know, fully in control and free from any, shall we say, extra help? (Fentanyl is 50x more potent than heroin and when misused the consequences can be fatal.)

Ultimately, it’s quite the hair-raising affair. But will it give voters the insight they truly need, or merely add to the circus? Because, as with most things in Philippine politics, the test of genuine integrity still seems worlds away.