Category Archives: Politics

IMELDA MARCOS PROPOSES NAME CHANGE FROM PHILIPPINES TO QUEENS ISLANDS

imageQuezon City, Philippines – In her first legislative proposal for the year 2014, Representative Imelda Marcos (2nd district, Ilocos Norte) has authored a bill that would rename the Philippines to Queens Islands.The proposed bill is premised on the Philippines’ extraordinary performance in major international beauty pageants in 2013. The country of more than 7,100 islands has produced 4 international beauty queens last year: Miss World, Miss Supranational, Miss International and Miss Tourism International. The Philippines also won fourth place in the 2013 Miss Universe Pageant. This extraordinary feat has prompted international beauty pageant organizers to ban the Philippines from competing in the next several years.

“Beauty is inherent in the Filipino people,” the former Philippine First Lady said, “and renaming our country to Queens Islands will give us more widespread recognition in the world community.”

Marcos was a former beauty queen herself, having won the titles of “Rose of Tacloban,” “Miss Leyte,” and “Muse of Manila,” in the mid-1950’s.  In 1974, as First Lady, she was able to secure the Miss Universe Pageant to be held in Manila for the first time ever.

GAY MARRIAGE ON A FLOAT AT THE ROSE PARADE WILL GO ON AS SCHEDULED

imagePasadena, California –  A San Diego woman is calling for a boycott of the popular Pasadena Rose Parade because two men from Los Angeles are scheduled to be married on a float called “Love is the Best Protection.” The  cake-shaped float is being sponsored by The AIDS Healthcare Foundation to help raise awareness of HIV infection in the gay community.

Aubrey Loots, 42, and his partner Danny Leclair, 45, will tie the knot as nearly 68 million people watch, which will mark the first time a same-sex couple marries during the Rose Parade’s 125-year history. The men, who have been dating for 12 years, won the opportunity after they entered a contest at a wedding expo in October.

The woman, Karen Grube, believes the float should be removed from the New Year’s parade. She’s gone as far as to call corporate sponsors to gain their support in case the wedding goes as planned. Grube has also created a Facebook page called “Boycott the 2014 Rose Parade” to get others on her side.

As a compromise, parade organizers have agreed to build a second float on which a heterosexual couple will  seek a divorce before a judge in front of the same  68 million people. Grube said she is pleased with the compromise and will herself lead a group of volunteers to build the “divorce float.”

The Adobo Chronicles has learned that the divorce float will be sponsored by Chick-Fil-A, with additional funding support from the Westboro Baptist Church. Parade organizers have also extended the invitation to the Robertson Family of Duck Dynasty to grace the float as the featured celebrities.

As of press time, 3,599 heterosexual couples have applied to be selected to undergo the divorce proceedings atop the Rose Parade float.

ANOTHER COUP IN THE PHILIPPINES?

imageManila, Philippines – Reliable sources within the Philippine military seem to confirm that a coup has been handed to NoyNoy Aquino on Christmas eve, but no one knows the whereabouts of the president.

Coups in the Phlippines – both successful and unsuccessful – have been staged against every Philippine president since the late Ferdinand Marcos fled to Hawaii following the EDSA People Power Revolution.

What’s different about this latest coup is that the instigator is no less than Kris Aquino, the president’s sister, who, in addition to her career in television, reportedly has her own political ambitions.

Upon further investigation of the report, military officials confirmed that they did intercept a cell phone message from Kris to NoyNoy. Apparently, the message said, “Mr. President, tomorrow morning, I will hand you a coup as my Christmas present to you. Please meet me at our hacienda in Tarlac.”

What the static-ridden message actually said was, “Mr. President, tomorrow morning, I will hand you the keys to a 2014 Nissan Sports Coupe as my Christmas present to you. Please meet me at our hacienda in Tarlac.”