Category Archives: Law Enforcement

U.S. TO RELOCATE PEARL HARBOR FROM HAWAII TO MANILA BAY

The USS Arizona Memorial at Pearl Harbor, Honolulu, Hawaii
The USS Arizona Memorial at Pearl Harbor, Honolulu, Hawaii

Honolulu, Hawaii (The Adobo Chronicles) – Now that a new, ten-year agreement has been signed to allow increased U.S. military presence in the Philippines, Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel announced today that Pearl Harbor will be relocated to Manila Bay, just behind the U.S. Embassy on Roxas Boulevard.

“It is part of the U.S. plan to be more strategic in the deployment of its troops, especially near hotspot areas in the Asian region, including China, North Korea and Russia,” Hagel said.  He added that relocating Pearl Harbor to Manila makes perfect sense because of the proximity of the Philippines to the hotspot areas.  Hagel also said that “after all, the Philippines is called the ‘Pearl of the the Orient Seas’ so Pearl Harbor fits right in.”

Hawaii Governor Neil Abercrombie was outraged at the federal government’s decision and threatened to join the Hawaii Independence Movement.

Meanwhile, Manila Mayor (and former Philippine President) Joseph Estrada was ecstatic and is planning a celebratory luau at the Manila Hotel this weekend.

BIRTHERS’ NEW ALLEGATION: BARACK OBAMA IS FILIPINO

Obama in a Barong Tagalog
Obama in a Barong Tagalog

Phoenix, Arizona (The Adobo Chronicles) – Can the “birthers” ever be convinced that Barack Obama was born in America and is eligible to serve as president?

Over the past few years, the allegation that he was born overseas — in Kenya or perhaps Indonesia — has taken on a life of its own, despite a mountain of evidence to the contrary. Not even the release of copies of Obama’s Hawaii birth certificate could convince the doubting Thomases.

Now the birthers have a new allegation: that Obama may have actually been born in the Philippines while his then pregnant mother was vacationing in this Southeast Asian country.

The new allegation surfaced after the birthers saw a photo of Obama on social media, donning the Barong Tagalog during his recent state visit to Manila. The barong is the Philippines’ national attire for men.

“I mean, how could there be any doubt, ” one birther commented, “just look at that photo. He’s unmistakenly Filipino!” Another birther said: “The White House chef is Filipino and Obama himself admitted that the First Family is  often served adobo and lumpia! What other proof do we need?”

 

 

FEISTY PHILIPPINE SENATOR CALLS OBAMA AND AQUINO ‘MODERN-DAY PONTIUS PILATES’

Manila, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – Philippine Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago, the feisty chair of the senate foreign relations committee, slammed the signing of the Enhanced Defense Cooperation Agreement (EDCA) and called Presidents Barack Obama and Noynoy Aquino the modern-day ‘Pontius Pilates.’

miriam
Defensor-Santiago

EDCA provides for increased U.S. military presence in the Philippines. The 10-year agreement was signed by Defense Secretary Voltaire Gazmin and U.S. Ambassador to the Philippines Philip Goldberg. The senator asked: “Obama was coming to the Philippines anyway, so why was the agreement not signed by him and Aquino? I suspect both presidents wanted to wash their hands over this controversial agreement so that if things take a turn for the worse, neither of them would be held responsible.”

Defensor-Santiago also protested the fact that the Senate wasn’t given the courtesy of being furnished a copy of the draft agreement, as would be proper in a democratic government with three branches.

“Pontius Pilate washed his hands because he wanted no part in crucifying Jesus Christ. Well, I think the Filipino people should crucify Aquino and Obama,” Defensor-Santiago said.

Aquino’s presidential press office, reacting to Defensor-Santiago’s tirade, said, “it’s sour grapes on her part; she’s mad because she was not given a seat next to Obama during the state dinner honoring the American president. She wanted the opportunity to take a ‘selfie’ with Obama.”

The senator countered: “Had I known that they were going to serve lapu-lapu (grouper) at the state dinner, I would have politely declined the invitation. I hate fish!”

And so it looks like the battle moves on to the third branch of government, all the way to the Supreme Court.