Category Archives: International

A Tale Of Three Presidents: Mary Jane Comes Home

Beneath the shadowed prison’s gate,

A tale of mercy, cruel, and late.

Three leaders carved her path anew,

Injustice fought, her hopes construe.

Noynoy’s plea, a fervent cry,

Stayed the hand that sought to try.

In foreign lands, her life he spared,

A mother’s anguish, he deeply cared.

Then came Duterte, cold and stern,

A leader’s voice, yet none to turn.

The go-signal given, the silence loud,

A chapter bleak, a heavy shroud.

But tides must shift, and time must tell,

The hands of fate, the prison’s knell.

Bongbong’s steps, a path unbarred,

Her homeward journey, no longer marred.

Mary Jane walks, her spirit whole,

A nation holds her weary soul.

Through years of pain, her story speaks,

Of justice sought, and hope that peaks.

Breaking: Miss Universe 2024 Is Half-Filipina!

Filipinos have unearthed yet another half-Filipina Miss Universe, Victoria Kjær Theilvig of Denmark! 

With her flowing blonde locks, piercing blue eyes, and zero discernible connection to the Philippines—except for one tiny detail—her grandmother hails from Biringan, the mythical city in Samar. Yes, that Biringan, the shimmering realm of gold and supernatural beings that apparently also produces top-tier beauty queens.

Armed with genealogical charts and a vague photo of a tree they swear is “the gateway to Biringan,” Filipino pageant fans are already claiming Theilvig as one of their own. “It’s obvious! Just look at her cheekbones—they scream Filipina!” said a fan, conveniently ignoring Theilvig’s 100% Nordic DNA. Another added, “She’s practically atin because her lola probably rode a golden carabao to Denmark!”

Of course, skeptics argue that Biringan is, well, fictional. But since when has that stopped Filipinos from expanding their diaspora? “If we can claim Bruno Mars, Olivia Rodrigo, and that one guy who ate balut in a travel vlog, why not Victoria?” reasoned another fan.

Meanwhile, Miss Nigeria stood patiently by, waiting for her turn. Filipinos smiled politely but whispered, “Any chance she’s part-Filipina too?”

Rodrigo Duterte Speaks From Either Side Of His Mouth

Rodrigo Duterte, the Philippines’ unapologetic political firebrand, has outdone himself in his latest theatrical performance. 

On one side of his mouth, he declares an unshakable faith in the Philippine judicial system, professing his preference to face justice on home soil—a touching display of patriotism, if not for the irony. On the other side, he dares the International Criminal Court to “bring it on,” swaggering like a man auditioning for a James Bond villain role. Is it hubris, or just another Duterte quip designed to keep his critics dizzy?

His duality leaves us in awe. Is he a staunch nationalist unwilling to bow to international scrutiny, or is he the ultimate showman, knowing full well the ICC doesn’t operate on a dare system? Either way, his gambit guarantees one thing: Duterte remains the headline king. Whether justice is served in Manila or The Hague, the spectacle is far from over.