Chicago, Illinois – The American Psychiatric Association (APA) has officially confirmed what many people thought all along: taking ‘selfies’ is a mental disorder.
The APA made this classification during its annual board of directors meeting in Chicago. The disorder is called selfitis, and is defined as the obsessive compulsive desire to take photos of one’s self and post them on social media as a way to make up for the lack of self-esteem and to fill a gap in intimacy.
APA said there are three levels of the disorder:
Borderline selfitis : taking photos of one’s self at least three times a day but not posting them on social media
Acute selfitis: taking photos of one’s self at least three times a day and posting each of the photos on social media
Chronic selfitis: Uncontrollable urge to take photos of one’s self round the clock and posting the photos on social media more than six times a day
According to the APA, while there is currently no cure for the disorder, temporary treatment is available through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The other good news is that CBT is covered under Obamacare.
This is unwelcome news for Makati City in the Philippines, especially for its mayor, Junjun Binay, son of the incumbent vice president. Makati was recently named selfie capital of the world by Time Magazine. The mayor even organized a ticker tape parade after his city was bestowed the rare honor.
Manila, Philippines – The lawyers for Janet Lim-Napoles, principal suspect in the 10 Billion-peso pork barrel scam, have asked the Philippine Supreme Court to grant their client hospital arrest in lieu of imprisonment at a high-security military camp south of the Philippine capital. Napoles says she was confident that her petition will be granted by the highest court of the land based on her current medical condition.
In papers filed with the court, Napoles listed the following symptoms and illnesses she is currently experiencing: toothache, pain in her ring finger, athlete’s foot, sore throat, sinus infection, hair loss, lack of sleep, lack of appetite, multiple mosquito bites, shrinking waste line, heartburn, sunburn, loss of weight and extreme sadness. Her lawyers argued that remaining in the prison suite will only make matters worse for their client and asked the court to grant the petition on humanitarian grounds.
The Supreme Court is compelled to take up Napoles’ petition because there has been a precedent of hospital arrest. Former Philippine President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo remains in hospital arrest at the government’s Veterans Memorial Medical Center for charges of plunder. Refusing to take up Napoles’ case would subject the court to charges of discrimination.
Hollywood, California – Just weeks after his triumphant half-time show performance at this year’s Super Bowl, tragedy has struck Filipino American pop sensation Bruno Mars. He has all but lost his voice, prompting him to cancel his concert tour at least for the next six months and pending his further prognosis.
It all happened this week when Mars was a guest in the Ellen (Degeneres) show. While waiting in his dressing room for his cue to come on the show, Mars suddenly felt the urge to munch on some pringles set on the snack table in the room. After having a few pieces of the potato chips, he felt a painful lump in his throat. He immediately drank a can of cold pepsi to try to get rid of the lump, but to no avail.
A television studio nurse was called in to examine Mars, but nothing could be done to alleviate the pain he was experiencing. Mars was then transported to a nearby hospital where a team of doctors successfully removed the chips caught in his voice box. But alas, it was too late. Mars had lost his voice.
Doctors said that while the loss of voice is temporary, it would take at least six months of rehabilitation and voice therapy to get the singer fully back in shape.