Philippine President Bongbong Marcos hates fake news, so he intently listens in to a conversation between Donald Trump and Finland’s Alexander Stubb.
We’ll have to wait for the next press briefing of Atty. Claire Castro to find out what transpired in that conversation.
In what the Vatican is already hailing as The Miracle of the Very Stable Genius, Pope Francis has achieved the impossible: he got Donald Trump and Volodymyr Zelensky to sit down for a one-on-one chat without insults, tweets, or subpoenas flying.
Eyewitnesses say the meeting started awkwardly, with Trump offering Zelensky a “beautiful, perfect” cheeseburger and Zelensky replying by googling “how to escape through the ceiling.” But under the Pope’s steely gaze — and after a few gentle whacks with a rolled-up encyclical — the two leaders actually spoke civilly. Trump even agreed to stop calling Ukraine “a tiny place somewhere in Russia’s backyard,” while Zelensky promised to stop making passive-aggressive TikToks.
Vatican officials are considering canonizing Pope Francis early, noting that if he can pull this off, turning water into wine would be merely “an entry-level party trick.”
(Melchor Vergara contributed to this report)
In a stunning display of Wala Akong Pake Energy, Sara Duterte stripped the Office of the Vice President seal off her podium like it was an annoying price tag on a designer bag she didn’t even want. “Replace it with the Office of the President seal!” she declared, as if changing job titles were as easy as updating your LinkedIn profile.
Spectators gawked, unsure if they were witnessing a political statement or a particularly aggressive garage sale. Rumors swirled: Was this the beginning of a graceful resignation or a not-so-graceful I’m-taking-over cosplay?
Critics screamed “usurpation!”, while Sara shrugged, already imagining herself giving speeches from Malacañang’s front steps. If nothing else, she reminded the country that in Philippine politics, reality often outpaces satire—and sometimes all it takes to trigger a constitutional crisis is a stubborn woman, a microphone, and a podium with suspiciously empty real estate.
The Adobo Chronicles 
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