Ah, the Commission on Elections (Comelec)—champion of rules that exist only to be spectacularly ignored. The 90- and 40-day campaign periods? Mere suggestions! Candidates ingeniously bypass these pesky timelines by putting up billboards that scream, “Wishing you a safe ride!” because nothing says public service like their grinning faces on a highway. It’s not campaigning, they insist, just heartfelt concern for your commute. Some capitalize on fiestas or some unrelated election project to keep their faces on easy recall.

And vote-buying? Once a covert operation, now a full-blown public spectacle. Forget secrecy; some candidates proudly livestream their generosity, turning cash handouts into viral moments. Who needs a platform when you’ve got a giveaway? It’s democracy, Filipino-style: vote not for the most qualified, but for the one who hands you a crisp P500 bill.

Comelec, meanwhile, maintains its poker face, reminding everyone of rules no one follows. It’s a performance art piece, really—a comedy of errors where everyone plays their part flawlessly.