FINALLY: WORLD PEACE!

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – Move over, firepower! The world has finally come to lasting peace, thanks to water cannons.

From the South China Sea to New York City; from Sydney, Australia to Okada Manila, water cannons have become the weapon of choice, ensuring that none of the death and destruction that characterized World Wars I and II, and all wars thereafter ever happen again.

From hereon, wars will be fought not through guns and bombs. Rather, they will be wars of intimidation using a resource that every single country in the world has access to: water!

Peace be with you all!

Adobo Chronicles Now Accepting Nominations For Its 2023 Golden Tanzan Awards!

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – The Adobo Chronicles is now accepting nominations for its 2023 GOLDEN TANZAN AWARDS.

This priceless recognition for bloggers, vloggers and socmed influencers seeks to honor the best of the best. It is the equivalent of the Pulitzers, only its focus is on the wayward, misinformed, misdirected, click baiters, turncoats, and trolls masked as intellectuals.

There are no nomination or application forms to fill out. Just include names and relevant information in the comments section. It doesn’t matter if the nominees are living in the Philippines or abroad. Self-nomination is also accepted.

So, what are you waiting for?

(Disclosure: We originally wanted to name the awards the “Palanggana Awards” but people might interpret that as AC endorsing Bb. Maharlika)

Elon Musk To Sue British Scientists Over “Disease X”

LONDON, The United Kingdom (The Adobo Chronicles, London Bureau) – When Elon Musk decided to rebrand Twitter as “X,” he was confident his social media platform would be the only company in the world named as such.

Boy, was he wrong.

British scientists are now developing vaccines against a new pandemic that still doesn’t exist. So they’re calling it “Disease X.” The vaccine development is being done at a government high-security lab complex in Wiltshire.

Musk became furious when he learned of this British development.

“They could have easily named it “Unknown Disease,” Musk told The Adobo Chronicles. “Why on earth would they name it after my company which already exists,” he added.

Musk is threatening to file a class-action suit on behalf of all X account holders against the British scientists.

(Senior geopolitics correspondent BRIAN NEYRA contributed to this report.)