WORLD’S FIRST ‘GAYDAR’ TO DEBUT AT SOCHI WINTER OLYMPICS

The Iceberg Skating Palace in Sochi, Russia
The Iceberg Skating Palace in Sochi, Russia

Sochi, Russia – When the figure skating competitions begin a day before the actual Winter Olympics opening ceremonies, athletes and spectators will go through what may seem like security metal detectors. But lo and behold, they are actually ‘gaydars.”

These special detectors, the first if its kind in the world, will be installed at all entrances to the  Iceberg Skating Palace, the 12,000-seat venue of the ice skating competitions.

Everyone knows by now that Russia has strict anti-gay laws in place, prohibiting any public display of homosexuality.  While the Putin government has said that no foreigner will be arrested under these laws during the duration of the winter games, it is nevertheless taking extreme measures to discourage public display of homosexuality.

The gaydar technology, developed in China by Apple, will detect even the slightest trace of gayness by scanning the retina of the eyes and flagging any abnormal flickering of the fingers.

Russian officials said that any athlete or spectator who fails the high-tech test will be denied enty into the competitions.  It wasn’t clear if the figure skating competitors are exempted from the screening. “I think the skaters will be exempted,” said one official, “otherwise we might not have any competition to watch if  any of the skaters are banned from the skating arena.”

The men’s short program kicks off the figure skating competitions on February 6 and the Opening Ceremonies will be held February 7.

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