Once upon a glittery December night, the Philippine film industry gathered for the MMFF Gabi ng Parangal—ostensibly a celebration of cinematic excellence, but actually a fever dream of misplaced priorities. 

What began as a film awards show quickly devolved into a three-hour-long ode to political patronage. Politicians beamed on stage and from video screens like surprise guest stars in a poorly plotted soap opera, their speeches longer than any film nominated. By the end, audiences wondered if they’d stumbled into a campaign rally instead.

The nominations list was no less puzzling. With only ten films in the running, six managed to secure nominations in seemingly every category, as if the jury played “spin the bottle” to decide. Vice Ganda took home a special jury citation so perplexing that even she questioned its existence mid-speech. Meanwhile, the FPJ Award went to winners who looked just as confused as the audience.

And the lone musical entry? Completely snubbed in the “Best Musical” category—which apparently didn’t exist. The organizers made up for this oversight with a buffet of “special jury awards” that felt less like honors and more like consolation prizes.

And what about the awards for student short films that weren’t even shown at the festival, or a “Gender Sensitivity” award to give the LGBT film community a pat in the back?

There were 4 “Best Film” prizes — that’s 40% of the 10 entries!

Here’s to next year’s MMFF: a festival not of films, but of farce. See you there!