Philippine TV News Programs Prepare For Mindanao Secession.

In a bid to prepare for the looming secession of Mindanao from the Philippines, the scriptwriters of ABS-CBN’s “TV Patrol” and GMA’s “24 Oras” have undertaken a revision of their opening salvo, turning their once harmonious greetings into a comedic reflection of the country’s potential fragmentation.

Viewers can now anticipate Kabayan Noli de Castro’s iconic opening scream of “Magandang Gabi Bayang LuzVi,” replacing his customary “Magandang Gabi Bayan.” Meanwhile, Mel Tiangco’s signature greeting of “Magandang Gabi Luzon, Visayas at Mindanao” will undergo a melodious alteration to the high-pitched rendition of “Magandang Gabi Luzon at Visayas.”

The satirical twist reflects the absurdity of the situation, where national unity seems on the brink of dissolution. While the nation braces itself for uncertain times ahead, television networks appear ready to inject humor into the impending chaos, reminding viewers that even in the face of division, laughter may still be the best medicine.

Dateline Zürich: The Shadow Of Rodrigo Duterte

by Maria Bratikova

You may cast a long shadow, a medium-sized one, a short one, an almost-not-there one. But it’ll be there. It all depends on the angle of the source of light with reference to your position. 

Let‘s take the sun and you as constants.Time is an illusion. Your shadow is not. On a sunny day, whatever angular form you get  in your relationship with the sun as the earth moves stays with you. You cannot separate from it, you cannot outrun it. Your shadow sticks to you and vice versa. And that fact is a constant whatever you are doing, thinking, planning at any given angle. You cannot trick it, for as long as there is light there‘s your shadow.

So now we have a former President who cast a shadow that makes him stressing over a possible arrest. Why is that? 

If one has nothing to worry about one’s own actions, statements, movements – there’d be no reason to disengage from that shadow. In fact, you‘d have to worry if your shadow does not show when light conquers the dark.

Tomorrow, the earth will take a new turn and reveal the sun early on. The game will continue. . .

Oh God. 

George Burns sighed to himself. “What mistake did I make on earth?”

Introducing: The Mindanao Passport

Introducing the Mindanao Passport: Your Ticket to the Land of Eternal Peace… Allegedly!

Embark on a journey through bureaucratic wonders with the Mindanao Passport, where every stamp is a leap of faith into the unknown. Featuring the latest in document design, this passport is adorned with vibrant images of serene landscapes, juxtaposed with cautionary warnings of potential conflict zones.

Experience the thrill of visa applications as you navigate through an intricate maze of red tape and uncertainty. Will your destination recognize this passport? Will you be detained for questioning due to its unconventional origin? The excitement never ends!

But wait, there’s more! Each passport comes with a complimentary guide to negotiating peace treaties, just in case you find yourself inadvertently caught in the crossfire of local politics.

So why wait? Get your Mindanao Passport today and join the elite club of travelers who dare to explore the road less traveled, quite literally. Because who needs a boring, predictable passport when you can have an adventure at every border checkpoint?

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