In a stunning twist, Larry Gadon has been appointed as the new Anti-People Czar, following his illustrious tenure as the Presidential Assistant on Poverty Alleviation. Gadon, who recently enlightened us with his theory that Philippine poverty is mere “haka-haka” (figments of the imagination), has now found his true calling. His keen observations of crowded shopping malls, jam-packed fast-food joints, and the new private cars on the road were deemed groundbreaking. Not stopping there, Gadon even highlighted jeepney and tricycle drivers indulging in beer houses and adult entertainment as proof of his thesis.  While at it, the disbarred attorney also made a side sweep at Pinoys drinking coffee at Starbucks.

This brilliant move deftly shifts the spotlight from his own incompetency and cluelessness. With Gadon’s unparalleled ability to see through the illusion of poverty, the Marcos administration can now focus on more pressing issues—like inventing new titles for their most imaginative officials.