June 15: No Remittances For Paid Trolls!

Ah, the DDSheets and the critics of the Marcos administration have outdone themselves with their latest grand gesture of “civil disobedience.” June 15, 2004, will forever be remembered as “OFW Non-Remittance Day,” a masterstroke aimed at toppling the economy by halting those precious wire transfers from overseas Filipinos. 

Genius, right? Except, of course, for the minor oversight that the first to feel the pinch will be none other than the paid pro-Duterte and anti-Marcos bloggers. These valiant keyboard warriors, accustomed to their regular doses of cash from mysterious foreign benefactors, will find their bank accounts as empty as their rhetoric. 

Irony, it seems, has a sense of humor. One can only imagine the stunned expressions as these influencers experience a true taste of economic sabotage. 

In the grand play of political theater, it’s a plot twist worthy of a standing ovation. Bravo, DDSheets, bravo!

‘Journalist’ Krizette Laureta Chu Can’t Even Google- Search Her Own Newspaper

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Krizette Laureta Chu’s latest gripe targets the Marcos administration for rotational brownouts, allegedly scaring away both foreign and local tourists. 

As a journalist, Chu’s naivety is astounding—believing that decades-old power supply woes can be waved away in just two years. 

What’s truly comical, though, is Chu’s apparent inability to perform a basic Google search on her own publication, Manila Bulletin. She boldly declares that there were no rotational brownouts during the administration of her idol Rodrigo Duterte, only to be hilariously debunked by her own paper’s archives. The records plainly show that brownouts were alive and well during Duterte’s time, illuminating Chu’s selective memory and shoddy research. 

Perhaps Chu should take a break from her sensationalist critiques and invest in a flashlight and some basic fact-checking skills. Or permanently wear a face mask to keep her from opening her loud mouth.

Until then, we can only hope for fewer power outages and even fewer baseless rants.

Rest Easy: Filipino Boxer Is Alive And Kicking And Is Headed For The Paris Olympics!

by Melchor Vergara

In a classic case of “Don’t judge a post by its layout,” many Filipinos briefly mourned the imagined demise of boxing sensation Carlos Paalam. 

The Philippine Sports Commission’s announcement, with its somber design, had fans mistaking it for an obituary. 

Cue the collective gasp and frantic Google searches. But before you could say “Rest in Peace,” it became clear: Paalam isn’t pushing up daisies; he’s punching his ticket to the 2024 Paris Olympics. 

Yes, sports fans, breathe easy—our golden boy is alive and kicking, literally. The supposed death notice was actually a heartwarming update on his Olympic qualification. 

Let’s hope the only thing that dies is our opponents’ hopes as Paalam goes for gold. Until then, here’s a tip for the Sports Commission: maybe save the funeral aesthetics for actual bad news.

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