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Dateline Zürich: The Faces Of Altoids
by Maria Bratikova
The Faces of Altoids
When FPRRD took fentanyl it was prescribed, according to some of his friendly sources. By whom — nobody’s telling.
Granted!
He himself “jokingly claimed“ that he used opioids, the day after he admitted using – which was not jokingly, the day before. Therefore, it is more credible that he was slugging fentanyl.
No footages of him slugging the cow, no prescription was presented (I didn‘t get to see any, in fact I didn‘t care cos I deemed he legally needed it!) to show people who were not taking it easy when he jokingly rectified his first admitting the use of fetanyl.
Now, here is BBM the current President, who is neither prescribed any opioid to anybody’s knowledge (or has any one got personal knowledge of this?) nor is it confirmed that he is using (snorting is their favourite word) any addictive substance. Nor had the present President admitted to using paracetamol!
There was a deluge of blabber about a video, there was a barrage of talk about him using feel-good powder.
Oooh, don‘t forget the wife – they‘re supposed to be tandem — snorting when it snows at the Palace.
Would he own up? – you may, might argue. Would PDEA say so? – another argument. Both useless arguments and one should be embarrassed to even employ such to prove a point. What point?
The singular basis for this ugly detritus of a brain work? PBBM has an imbalanced smirk, smile, grimace.
Geniuses! Give me something to work on. Some thing that sticks.
I hate drugs!
Exclusive! Adobo Chronicles Interview With Sass Rogando Sasot
(As we promised, we had a one-on-one interview with vlogger and self-described International Relations Expert Sass Rogando Sasot. It was done through Facebook Messenger but she preferred that we do so only via audio and no video, and we respected her request.)
AC: Good evening, Miss Sass. Thank you for allowing us to talk to you today.
SRS: Morning na po dito sa Netherlands.
AC: Our apologies. Could you please turn your video on.
SRS: Ay, audio na lang. Bagong gising kasi ako. Di pa ako nakapag-makeup. Dami ko pa namang blackheads and whiteheads ngayon.
AC: Okay lang yun. Our first question, we heard di mo na daw itutuloy yung PhD mo diyan sa Netherlands.
SRS: OO, kasi bagsak ako sa Chinese language subject ko. Importante kasi ang Mandarin sa international relations. Alam mo na, China is fast emerging as the world’s No. 1 super power.
AC: So, uuwi ka na lang sa Pilipinas?
SRS: I have no choice. Di ko kaya ang standard of living dito. Di na kasi ako puwedeng bumalik sa dati kong ginagawa para kumita dito. You know, kung bata-bata pa sana ako. But I digress. Ano na nga yung tanong?
AC: Babalik ka na sa Pinas?
SRS: Wala pa akong pamasahe. Ang mahal mahal ng plane ticket sa PAL. At naghahanap pa ako ng kukupkop sa akin diyan.
AC: Have you tried contacting yung dating BFF mo, si RJ Nieto?
SRS: Ang put…(bleep) yon. Ang yabang-yabang. Alam ko naman kung saan galing yung perang pinanggagastos niya sa London.
AC: As in?
SRS: Saan pa, eh di sa kaban ng bayan. Sila ng bago niyang BFF ngayon na si Mel.
AC: Mel Tiangco?
SRS: Tanga. Si Mel Robles.
AC: Meron ka bang resibo to prove your allegations?
SRS: Kailangan pa ba yun? Alam na alam naman ng lahat yun. Tanungin mo si Maharlika at Mark Lopez.
AC: Any idea kung anong trabaho ang papasukin mo pagbalik mo sa Pinas?
SRS: Yun na nga eh. King In…(bleep) NTC at MTRCB, pinasara ang SMNI. Puwedeng puwede sana akong maging talent doon gaya ni Ka Eric at Lorraine Badoy.
AC: Di ka ba puwedeng maging speechwriter?
SRS: Ako, speechwriter? Ako ang dapat magkaroon ng speechwriter. Kaso part ways na kami ni Cocky Rocky.
AC: Malapit na yatang mag-retire si Cristy Fermin. Baka puwedeng ikaw na ang pumalit sa kanya. Magaling ka naman sa Marites at intriga.
SRS: Ayoko sa showbusiness. Mas gusto ko sa politics. Di ba IRE ako?
AC: Paano yun, inaaway mo na ngayon si PBBM at ang administrasyon. Di ka puwede sa gobyerno magtrabaho.
SRS: Puwede pa rin. Yun lang, sa kampo ni MR.
AC: Mel Robles?
SRS: Ang tanga tanga mo talaga. Hindi, si Martin Romualdez.
AC: May mga connections ka ba sa Speaker?
SRS: Nagsend na ako ng friend request kay Krizette Laureta Chu. Malakas daw siya kay MR.
(We hear the sound of the door bell…)
SRS: Ay bakla, sige na. Nandito na ang delivery ko ng McDonalds burger, fries and coke. Lalafang na ako.
(End of interview)
The Adobo Chronicles 
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