Category Archives: Social Media

International, Law Enforcement, Social Media

Lost In Spelling: Will The Real Duterte Lead Counsel Please Step Forward?

Leave a comment

Filipinos’ unwavering devotion to their Tatay Digong has reached international levels—quite literally.

In their fervent attempt to defend the former president from the International Criminal Court (ICC), they’ve bombarded Nicholas Kaufmann with messages of support, threats, and perhaps the occasional “pa-burger ka naman.” The only problem? They got the wrong guy.

The real Duterte lawyer, Nicholas Kaufman (with one “n”), is probably deep in legal paperwork, while Nicholas Kaufmann (with two “n”s), an innocent author, is left wondering why a horde of passionate Filipinos is flooding his inbox. His plea? “Guys, I’m not a lawyer. Stop asking me to fight the ICC. Also, I don’t even like adobo.”

Filipinos are known for their online detective skills, yet here we are—mistaking a novelist for an international lawyer. Maybe before defending Duterte, we should first learn to spell his lawyer’s name right. Priorities, mga kababayan!

Fact Check, Law Enforcement, Politics, Race Relations, Social Media

Malcolm Conlan, The Self-Proclaimed Brit Savior Of The Philippines

Leave a comment

LONDON—Self-proclaimed “Filipino advocate” Malcolm Conlan, a Brit with an impressive collection of Barong Tagalog and unsolicited opinions, has once again inserted himself into Philippine affairs.

Conlan, best known for his prolific letter-writing campaigns—to Donald Trump, King Charles, the Emir of Qatar and, for all we know, Santa Claus—has turned his online petitions into an art form.

Who can forget his heartfelt plea to strip Maria Ressa of Filipino citizenship, because apparently, Conlan wants it for himself.

Filipinos worldwide are reportedly baffled. “Who appointed him our spokesperson?” asked one netizen. “Did we miss an election?”

Sources say Conlan spends his days refreshing change.org, awaiting new causes to champion—preferably those that involve defending Rodrigo Duterte, demanding international intervention, or reminding people he once rode a jeepney.

Is it time for us to start a petition om change.org to ban Conlan from well change.org?

As of press time, King Charles, et.al. have yet to respond to his letters, presumably too busy being actual heads of state.

International, Politics, Race Relations, Social Media

An Open Letter To King Charles

Leave a comment

Your Royal Highness,

I would like to recommend that Mr. Malcolm Conlan be given a job in the Ministry Of Foreign Relations, or whatever you call that government agency.

His passion for writing letters to heads-of-state and international agencies, though utterly useless and senseless, deserves to be noticed, and will prove to be quite amusing and entertaining to your subjects.

Cheerio,

Melchor Vergara
A Real Filipino