In a groundbreaking bid to secure a place in the Guinness World Records, the Duterte family has announced plans to monopolize the Philippine Senate as VP Sara Duterte confirmed that her father Rodrigo, and brothers Paolo and Baste are planning to run in the upcoming elections.

If successful, the Dutertes would occupy a staggering 12.5% of the Senate seats, outshining previous familial records. This supersedes previous records of having half-brothers JV Ejercito and Jinggoy Estrada, Pia and Allan Peter Cayetano and Cynthia and Mark Villar serving in the same Congress.

This audacious move is a testament to the Duterte dynasty’s undying commitment to public service—or perhaps to family reunions doubling as Senate sessions.

Their campaign slogan, “Keep it in the Family,” promises to bring a whole new meaning to the term “household politics.”

Critics argue this consolidation could undermine democratic diversity, but supporters claim it’s a masterclass in efficiency.

With the Dutertes at the helm, who needs a variety of voices in government? After all, why have democracy when you can have a family affair?

In Duterte’s realm, the plot grows thick,

Basté’s swipe, a political trick,

At father’s friend, he took a swing,

Intrigue’s the tune that they now sing.

Sara’s neck with a curious scar,

Resigned her post, a rising star,

Mystery swirls as whispers fly,

No clear answer meets the eye.

Three Dutertes seek Senate seats,

In politics, their hearts compete,

Paolo, Basté, PRRD,

A family-run democracy.

Did they forget dear Kitty’s fate?

In their rush to dominate,

A clan united, ambitions vast,

Will their legacy hold fast?

In this realm where power dances,

Truth gets lost in second glances,

The Dutertes strive and vie,

A dynasty that aims high.