Ah, the delicate sensibilities of Vice President Sara Duterte. She’s just devastated that Congress is putting her poor OVP staff through the wringer, grilling them on her office’s spending—especially those mysterious “confidential funds.” How dare they question her expenditures? Doesn’t Congress know that her staff shouldn’t have to suffer for… her own financial decisions?
Duterte’s noble sense of “command responsibility” shines brightly—until it’s her turn in the hot seat. When it comes to defending the public purse, she’d rather watch from a distance than face the music. After all, accountability is apparently something that only applies to underlings, not to the great officeholder herself. But who can blame her? It’s a tough life, trying to justify secret funds in the name of… well, secrecy.
At the end of the day, maybe she’s right: why be accountable when you can simply keep it “confidential”?
In the grand theater of the Congressional hearings, plot twists keep us hooked—our nation’s lawmakers reveal hidden talents beyond legislation!
Congressman Romeo Acop, for instance, dropped the ultimate bombshell: his secret identity as a celebrity endorser. Who could have predicted? From biting questions on government spending to… biting into a perfectly glazed Mary Grace ensaymada. And he’s not stopping there. A quick pivot from confidential funds leads us to his love for Piattos, reminding us of the nostalgic taste of youth (which, ironically, seems in short supply in Congress). Acop’s masterful product placement might make us wonder—do our hearings come with a side of chips?
With this level of finesse, even the nation’s brightest youth could hardly compete. Why discuss transparency and accountability when we could debate which snack pairs best with a COA report?
Senator Bato de la Rosa has dismissed calls to inhibit himself from the Senate hearing on Rodrigo Duterte’s War on Drugs. He says, he will participate both as an interpolator and a resource person.
The Adobo Chronicles has obtained part of future transcript of the next scheduled Senate hearing:
SENATOR BATO to SENATOR BATO: Do you admit to being the primary implementor of FPRRD’s war on drugs?
SENATOR BATO to SENATOR BATO: Your Honor, I invoke my right against self-incrimination.
SENATOR BATO to SENATOR BATO: It is a simple yes or no question. I could cite you in contempt!
SENATOR BATO to SENATOR BATO: Your Honor, may I ask for a short break? I need to go pee.
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