Washington, D.C. – Today, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) disclosed on its website that “something big is about to happen on the sun,” adding that “according to measurements from NASA-supported observatories, the sun’s vast magnetic field is about to flip.”

Minutes after the announcement was posted, NASA’s phone lines became jammed and several of its servers crashed as people around the world sought answers on how this phenomenon, which happens every 11 years, would impact planet earth.  The United Nations Environment Programme (UNEP) immediately convened its council members to discuss the NASA announcement, summoning NASA Administrator Charles Bolden, Jr. to New York City.

Bolden said that NASA is still assessing the potential impact of the change in polarity of the sun’s magnetic field.  However, he confirmed that the following will definitely occur as a result of this flip:

• The Continental United States and all of Canada will lose their winter, spring and fall seasons.  Only the summer season will remain for the first half of each year.  The second half will see a hurricane season.
• Hawaii, Guam, Samoa, Tonga, the Marianas, the Philippines and all other islands in the Pacific will lose their tropical weather and will experience winter for eight months of each year, with the remaining four months bringing fall-like weather
• California’s tectonic fault lines will even up, practically eliminating any chance of earthquakes
• Most of Western Europe – but only those countries who are part of the Schengen agreement – will not experience any change in weather or environment
• Environmental changes in the rest of Europe remains unknown at this point
• A few countries in the Middle East will see all their desert sand evaporate
• The rest of the world will see shorter daylights, which will have a heavy toll on their electric consumption

Queried by the UNEP council members if there is anything that countries and governments can do to avert the impending solar flip, Bolden said, “Well, for a start, we  can all implore Pope Francis to lead a universal prayer for a miracle.  He expressed confidence that the Pope can intercede not only on behalf of Catholics but Atheists and all others who belong to different religions.