by Melchor Vergara

A recent SWS survey has shown that a whopping 96% of Filipinos are eagerly looking forward to 2024 with hope instead of fear. The remaining 4%, however, seem to be suffering from a peculiar ailment known as “DDShitis,” a condition characterized by an irrational fear that their beloved “poon” might face some unpleasant scrutiny from the International Criminal Court (ICC).

While the majority of the population envisions a future filled with rainbows, unicorns, and possibly a cure for traffic jams, the DDShits are trembling in their barongs at the mere thought of international legal consequences. Perhaps they’re concerned that their political idols might have to answer for some questionable decisions, and the prospect of accountability has them clutching their DDS pillows in terror.

As the nation collectively dreams of progress, unity, and a surplus of well-functioning public toilets, the DDShits remain stuck in a nightmare of potential ICC investigations. 

Let’s hope 2024 brings relief not just for the majority but also a cure for DDShitis.