In a spectacle that could only be described as “The Apprentice: White House Edition,” President Trump and Vice President Vance took turns chastising Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky like a couple of irate high school principals. The reason? Zelensky apparently forgot to memorize his lines from the Trump Doctrine—specifically, the one where he praises Russia and pretends the invasion never happened.
Scrapping a joint press conference over Zelensky’s refusal to play along? That’s some top-tier reality TV pettiness. If Trump thinks he’s a monarch handing down decrees, Zelensky must’ve missed the memo that he’s just a lowly subject. But hey, it’s not every day you see two Goliaths trying to humble David—on live television, no less! Maybe next time, the White House should just hand out a script in advance. After all, if you’re going to demand obedience, at least give your guest a proper cue card!
In a bold, unprecedented move, former President Donald Trump issued an executive order renaming the Gulf of Mexico to the “Gulf of America,” proving once again that if you don’t like reality, you can simply rebrand it. The decision was met with a mix of confusion, laughter, and a collective eye-roll from geographers worldwide.
Unfortunately for Trump, Google Maps, the true arbiter of geographical legitimacy, merely added “Gulf of America” in parentheses next to “Gulf of Mexico,” making it the cartographic equivalent of a pity mention. This half-victory is reminiscent of Trump’s infamous Sharpie-altered hurricane map—where his marker, not meteorology, dictated the storm’s path.
Mexico, meanwhile, had no official response, possibly because they were too busy enjoying the fact that the gulf is, geographically, still theirs. Meanwhile, Florida residents continue calling it “the ocean,” proving that no executive order can override sheer indifference.
The Adobo Chronicles 
You must be logged in to post a comment.